


On the Nature of Daylight

by chchchcherrybomb



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Attempted Sexual Assault, Medical, Medical Inaccuracies, Not Canon Compliant, Past Child Abuse, Shooting, Slow Burn, but it isn't a holby fic, got the idea from Holby City if any of you guys know that show, the sam and kara thing is a past relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2020-11-26 10:51:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 41,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20929013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chchchcherrybomb/pseuds/chchchcherrybomb
Summary: Lena Luthor is the head of cardio at National City Hospital. Ruthless, successful, and unrelenting. Few can get behind her walls. Kara is a cardio surgeon working under her and dealing with recent heartbreak.After an incident, the past and present begin to clash. Will Lena and Kara's rocky friendship be able to pull them through the tough times- and perhaps dig up long buried secrets along the way?A fic that no one asked for but you're getting anyways.Please heed the tags.Canon does not exist. COMPLETED





	1. In Which An Introduction is Formed

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fucking mess but feel free to read anyways. I'll try to update at least once every two weeks but the goal is once a week. College murders my free time brutally. Again, heed the tags.

“I tried to warn you about him, Lena. You didn’t listen.” Mercer pointed out scoldingly with a slight shrug of the shoulders. She was leaning against the wooden post in the garden, and his statement made her roll her eyes. Her arms crossed.

“I don’t want to be having this conversation with you right now Mr. Deris.” She warned with a narrowing of the eyes, the wind blowing hair over her face. She flicked it away irritably. Mercer looked shocked, even a little hurt. His jaw clicked.

“I’m on your side!” He insisted, taking a step forward. Lena only huffed and turned away.

“I’m going to get someone else to deal with this.” She murmured before a shout of pain caught her attention. Behind her, Mercer was grabbing his injured arm, face strained.

“Mr. Deris, are you alright?” She questioned, rushing to him and stabilizing his shoulders. 

“It hurts!” He yelled out from behind clenched teeth, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Okay Mr. Deris,” Lena reassured him calmly, looking around for a place he could rest. As soon as her back was to him, his facade dropped. He watched the pale white of her neck peek out from under her hair. “Let’s just get you to sit-”

An arm wrapped around her neck, instantly stopped her words and blocking her windpipe. Her hands flew up to the arm, scratching and hitting it desperately but to no avail. She opened her mouth to gasp in oxygen but none would come.

The arm dragged her backward, and she could hear his ragged breathing in her ear. But when her feet stumbled, the grip loosened enough for her to wrestle out quickly. She only got one choking and shaky breath in, looking up into his furious face, before he slammed her against the brick wall. The back of her head connected with an audible smack, effectively knocking her unconscious.

It wasn't a sudden awakening. 

The first time she got her senses back, it was only for a fleeting second. Someone was holding her by the forearm, tight, and her shoulder felt like it was slowly getting pulled from the socket. Her other hand felt the dirt. 

The second time, it was the same feeling, but she groggily noticed she was actually moving, the dirt running through her loose fingers and her body bumping over twigs and rocks.

The third time, she was able to force her eyes open, and the sun shining intensely through the trees made her blink rapidly. She was still moving, and when she forced her aching head back to see what exactly was holding her so tight, she saw a hand, tugging her along. She saw the lamppost covered in vines and the chain link fence and realized she was being dragged out behind the hospital, if not with a little amount of effort. And again, she drifted off. 

Her arm dropped. Her shoulder smarted loudly and she let out a groan as the pain shot up her side. The back of her head throbbed, and her clothes were torn and dirty from the trip. Everything was still hazy, that was, until she felt hands pulling at her jacket, ripping the material from her arms and exposing her white tank top. Then, well, she was awake as ever.

Panic flared her awareness, the haze was slapped from her vision, and a strength she had never known before erupted in her muscles. His hands kept roaming roughly and she flipped over, kicking her legs out as she tried to pull herself away, clawing at the ground. A shout burst from her throat before a calloused hand clamped over her mouth. Still, she screamed, although it came out muffled. The waistband of her slacks were tugged on.

This would not happen. She would not let this happen. 

Throwing back an elbow, it struck his solar plexus and suddenly the weight on her back let up. He grunted with a short breath as she scrambled forward, turning back over and attempting to get her feet underneath her before he recovered. She pushed up on her palms, but felt her shoulder grinding unnaturally against its socket and her arm involuntarily folded, spilling her back on the ground. 

Mercer was over his temporary shock and his fist flashed forward, the sharp ring on his finger slicing open her cheek as her head snapped to the side. Blood ran into her mouth and down her neck and soaked her shirt. Before she could gather herself, could even lift up her head, his foot stamped down on her stomach, and she felt something give under the boot. The air rushed out of her lungs, and try as she might, she could barely get any back in.

Then there were those hands, again. One grabbed her thigh, pinching the flesh and pulling her toward him. The air wheezed from her throat, blood trickled warmly along her hairline and down the back of her neck. Mercer’s hands continued, his nails digging into her skin as he worked on the buttons of her slacks. Frantic now, her body wouldn’t respond to her commands, her struggles lagging behind as her head pounded and her lungs burned. 

In her jacket, flung to the side and tangled in the bushes, her phone started to ring. Mercer, who had been focused unbuckling his pants froze before lunging for the jacket, clumsily shaking it to find the offending object. From the car park, someone called out her name. With Mercer’s attention diverted, Lena mustered up all her remaining strength and pulled herself up, ignoring the shoulder, the head, the ribs. It was now or never. Picking up a hefty stick, she swung it at his head. Mercer turned at the last second, and it collided directly with his face. He crumpled immediately, knocked out cold. 

Dropping the stick, hands shaking, Lena only stared, head spinning. The voice came closer now with a rustle of leaves as feet shuffled to her side. She pushed her hair out of her face and looked up to see Doctor Alex Danvers, staring down at her with horror and guilt.

“Lena, oh my God, are you okay?” She exclaimed, scanning the blood, the oddly dangling arm. Her eyes stopped at the unbuttoned pants. Widened.

“It’s fine,” Lena breathed out, gesturing at the unconscious Deris, still trying to catch more air. “I got him.” A wandering hand touched the back of her head and it came back dark with blood.

“I’m so sorry Lena, security was trying to find him.” Alex started.

“What?” Lena interrupted, the noise of her own voice jarring. She closed her eyes for a moment, regaining her composure. “You knew he was a rapist, and didn’t tell me?”

“It wasn’t like that! There was an accusation, that girl that came in with his car crash. I told security, but they insisted I couldn’t say anything to anyone, as not to start a panic or compromise any investigation. Then he went missing, and we couldn’t find you…” She trailed off, putting a sympathetic hand gently on her arm.

“Don’t touch me.” Lena burst out, flinching away. She didn't let her voice shake, couldn't let go of her pride. Alex frowned, playing with her hands now that she couldn’t offer comfort. 

“I’m sorry,” She murmured, looking down at those entangled fingers. “It’s okay to be upset though.”

“I’m not upset,” Lena scoffed. “I’m angry, and I’m leaving now.” She swiveled awkwardly, limping past Mercer.

“Wait! Where are you going?” Alex called after her.

“Away from this godforsaken place.” Lena replied, throwing the words carelessly over her shoulder. 

“Wait, Lena. You’re in shock, hon.” Alex persisted. Lena stopped, her shoulders unevenly rising before she swung around, face red with fury, tears filling her icy blue eyes.

“I’m in Hell!” She shouted, as loud as her bruised throat would allow, that is. Her shoulder smarted again, and she tenderly cradled her elbow putting the weight off the joint. The partially dried blood on her face and neck stretched with her movements. She started to walk away again.

“What about the police?” Alex offered cautiously. “What about him?”

“You deal with it. I don’t want to see that piece of shit ever again.” Her eyes flickered briefly over his motionless body, disgust lingering in her features.

“Lena , it looks like you hurt your shoulder and that cut on your face is going to need stitches, not to mention you should get checked over. Come back to the ER with me, please.”

“I can take care of it.” Lena snapped. Putting her injured hand behind her back gingerly, she rotated it slowly, then reached for the opposite shoulder, popping the partial dislocation back into the socket. It was far from her first rodeo. She knew she had a medical kit at home, and could easily stitch up the cheek herself perfectly, as only she could trust herself to do. Giving one last defiant glare, Lena walked away. Alex was about to stop her, but then she remembered Mercer, laying on the dirt. With a sigh, she picked up her phone.

“Security, I’ve found him, but there's been an attack.” A pause. “Lena Luthor. Yeah, I’ll try to get her to come in as soon as possible. The police will be notified, right? Good. Thank you.” A while after hanging up, a team stabilizing Deris on a gurney, she heard a motorcycle engine start, and her heart stung when it faded into the distance. She could recognize that engine anywhere. Lena Luthor was gone.


	2. What Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had some extra time so here's a little more before a week is done. thanks so much for everyone that has commented and gave kudos it's honestly amazing. not edited or anything sorry

The hospital was relatively quiet, as quiet as a hospital could really be, but as Kara rounded the corner, the sight of two police detectives made her stomach turn. One was tall and thin with a receding hairline, the other short and muscled, even under her formal button-up and slacks. Alex was gesturing frantically in front of them, and one was trying to get her to calm down. As Kara walked up to them with concern only rising, she could start to make out the conversation.

“We can’t do anything without a complaint ma’am. Now, this is the second time we’ve been here since yesterday, and we really can’t arrest him if nothing happened.” The short detective explained politely.

“I’m complaining!” Alex insisted, clenching her fists together. “Me! I know I was just a witness, but obviously something happened. Why would I be lying?”

“Doctor Danvers, let me stop you there. Of course we believe you. We aren’t saying that this man will walk free. To do anything, we need more than just your word. Physical evidence, a direct statement from the victim, or this will not stand a chance on trial. If she does not want to come forward, there is nothing we can do.” The other detective joined in, pushing a strand of black hair behind her ear slowly. “So please, if you can get into contact with her, tell her we absolutely need her to come in, then we can put this guy behind bars.” Kara made it to the group and put a reassuring hand on Alex’s shoulder.

“What’s going on here?” She inquired firmly, scanning the officers with a hard eye.

“There’s been an assault. Yesterday, actually.” Alex answered, rubbing the bridge of her nose. The beeper went off in her pocket, and she sighed as she checked the number. “I’ve got to go. He still needs a check up, she landed quite the blow. Kara, could you take care of it?” She hurried away towards the sound of commotion before Kara could respond. She stared after her awhile, confused, before turning to the detectives.

“Well, is it legal to treat him? What did he do anyways?” Kara said, crossing her arms.

“I’m sorry Ms. Danvers, but it would be best not to divulge any information.” The tall detective.

“Doctor. Doctor Danvers.” Kara corrected with a tight-lipped smile. The detective returned it.

“My apologizes, Doctor.” He offered. 

“But feel free to tend to him, Doctor Danvers.” Added in the female detective. “He was still out cold the last time we checked, but we’ll stay out here just in case.” Kara nodded, and pushed open the doors to the private room they were standing in front of. The woman stopped her with a gentle hand. “If he starts talking though, please come get us.”

“No worries, Detective.” Kara promised. She let go of her arm and let her in.

On the bed was a fit middle aged man, fit except for the IV in his arm, cast on his other, and a broken nose with puffed eyes, still closed. Kara moved quietly as not to disturb him. As curious as she was, she had other patients waiting, ones who hadn't been involved in some sort of attack. A violent one, by the looks of it. She had just begun taping his nose when his eyelids fluttered. His throat clicked when he swallowed. Kara finished up the tape as he slowly came out of it, and by the time she was done, standing at the foot of his bed, his eyes were open.

“Welcome back to the land of the living, Mr…” she paused to look back at the charts in the tray. “Deris. How are we feeling?”

“Like shit.” He rasped out, then brought a hand to his face delicately. “Hurts like a bitch, that.” 

“I'm sure it does.” Kara agreed looking back at the chart, scanning the history. “I understand that you came in yesterday for a car crash. This only mentions the arm though? Did you also sustain your broken nose in the crash?” She was trying to keep her voice unsuspecting, get him to open up. She thought about what the detective had said. Thought about it, but chose to ignore it.

“I’m… I’m not sure. But I do notice I’m in different hospital bed. What exactly is going on?” His eyes wandered to the door, saw the police, pretended like he didn’t. “Don’t remember you either. There was a different doctor, not mine, but hanging around the guy beside me, a woman, dark hair. Doctor Luthor.” Kara’s eyes widened with surprise. Out of all the doctors in the hospital, he remembers Lena. Typical.

“Oh, so you know her?” Mercer asked, a smirk playing on his lips. Kara chuckled.

“Yes, I know Lena.”

The black motorcycle came speeding into the hospital entrance, swerving around unsuspecting pedestrians. It screeched to a hasty stop in the car park, and the rider switched off the engine before climbing off a little shakily. Gloved hands lifted up the tinted helmet, releasing long dark hair that flowed with the breeze. She ran a hand through it carefully, avoiding the gauze covered stitches adjourning her bruised and swollen cheek. She rotated her shoulder gingerly, feeling the ace bandage wrap that circled around her shoulder and across her chest to keep it sturdy and the extra layering around her sore ribs. As she put the helmet under her arm, her eyes wandered until they were focused on that grove of trees, the one that trailed away behind the hospital. She felt that loose dirt between her fingers, felt those sticks digging into her back, felt his breath on her neck, felt-

Shaking her head, she remembered her feet, planted on solid ground. Forcing in a breath, she tore her gaze away, drew in the emotion on her face and headed inside. It was empty, besides the occasional scurrying nurse and shuffling patient, all who paid no attention to her. No one was in the locker room, and she was tempted to thank God for small favors before deciding He perhaps didn't deserve the praise after yesterday. Nonetheless, an empty room was a delicacy that did not last for long in a place like this, so Lena rushed to change out of her riding gear and do as best as she could to cover up her bruised face with makeup, although nothing could possibly be done with the bright white gauze on her cheek. 

Readjusting the neckline of her high collared shirt to hide the bruises around her throat, she finally donned her “official Doctor coat” as she called it. And still, the room was silent. She looked into the mirror, into those dully bright eyes, saw the unevenness between her cheekbones, and soon those eyes were watery. Blinking rapidly, she refused to let any tears fall. Her sides heaved with the lump in her throat like they were trying to compress the pain and anger and confusion that was rising high in her chest and making her skin crawl and her legs weak. 

Then, as suddenly as it had begun, it was all over. Her vision cleared and her hands still shook but she could think again. She closed the the locker door, not giving herself another ill-advised chance to see the reflection in the mirror inside. By the hurried and heart-pounding walk to the elevator, she almost felt like a criminal, but was relieved to find no one appear when the doors opened. 

A tension stayed vibrating deep in her muscles, knowing that she would have to face people soon, people that would be asking questions and staring at her disfigured face and talking in hushed tones. People that would assume, would gossip, and whether the tales they spread were the truth or a story really didn't matter. In the end, they would all see her differently. No longer would it be Doctor Lena Luthor the genius but Doctor Lena Luthor the victim that also happens to be a genius. 

The doors gave a cheerful ding that only filled her with dread before rumbling open in front her. No one was immediately outside, but as soon as she stepped out,

“Lena!” It was from her right, only a few feet down the hall, but she remembered that voice. A voice from far away, while she was on her back in the dirt, struggling to get to her feet while he was distracted, while the sun shone through the bushes above her head and-

And then it was the fluorescents of the hospital, bouncing off the tiled floor, and that voice was right by her side.

“Lena, I’ve been calling you all night! Why didn’t you pick up?” Alex fretted, a young intern peering curiously at them from the nurses’ station down the hall.

“I was busy.” She replied shortly.  
“The police are here, you need to make a statement.” Alex said. Lena looked down the hallway to a closed door with two detectives standing in front, talking quietly to each other.

“Let’s do it then.”


	3. A Charming Man and Legal Matters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for sticking around with this story guys I promise things will start to pick up soon. again, this isn't edited at all so good luck

“Lena?” Mercer repeated. “First name basis, I see.” He sat up straighter in bed with a wince. Kara noticed his eagerness uneasily, but continued.

“Yes, we’re good friends, just a bit on the rocks recently. Her stubbornness makes it hard for the ‘forgive and forget’ thing. But I know she’ll come around, she always does.” She explained, all the while absentmindedly second-checking his medication, making it look like she actually had reason to stick around.

“Damn, from the day I was around her, I know exactly what you mean!” Mercer chuckled, “There was this other patient. Young, handsome, obviously rich. He kept flirting with her and talking about getting her a job at this medical practice in the UK. She flirted back. I noticed and I told her that a doctor shouldn’t be acting like that. And you know what she said to me? It wasn't anything personal with the patient, that he was just scared and not on pain medication and it was a way to calm his nerves. I saw that for what it really was, trust me. The poor guy would be led on until after he was calm again, and then she would reject him!” He paused, playing off his anger with another chuckle before turning to catch Kara’s eye. 

“I don’t know how you can be friends with someone like that. It would be an understatement to say the guy was hurt by her sudden personality switch, all the while she hardly cared.” Mercer stopped, his brows coming together, menacing. Before Kara could react, his hand shot out and grabbed her by the wrist. He pulled her in close, lowered his voice.

“It isn’t right to treat someone like that. He complained to the other doctor on his case, got her kicked off the surgery. She should have listened to me, but she just wrote me off like a petulant child. I really hate that, don’t you?” He let go of her wrist with a smile. Kara backed away, horrified, then pushed out of the doors. The female detective turned to her passively, then quizzicality at the look that was suspended on Kara’s face.

“He’s awake,” she started. “He said-”

“Detective Sawyer!” Alex called from down the hall where she was standing, with none other than Lena Luthor, who was looking away from them, arms crossed. 

“Excuse me, Doctor Danvers.” Sawyer said, departing while leaving her partner to stand watch. Kara followed. Alex said something to Lena, who then turned to them, revealing a bandaged and swollen face. Despite this, her expression was stony and business-like as ever, her hair perfectly soft and wavy. Her eyes left the detective and met Kara’s, but only for a second, showing no reaction.

“Lena Luthor, I presume?” Detective Sawyer asked, hands in pockets. She had been in the force long enough to know not to extend a hand to someone that was on edge, no matter how calm they seemed. Sawyer could see past that icy exterior Lena had put up in defense. She pulled her arms tighter towards her and stood up straight before responding. Another barrier.

“Yes, that’s me. What do you need me to do?” Her tone was short, each word clean and clipped.

“Well, I’ll need a statement, but first I’d like to collect any physical evidence. Being a surgeon at this hospital, I’m sure familiar with the procedure.” 

“Yes.” Lena said again, interrupting. Her chin ducked in the slightest, her confident stance deflating, but she immediately raised it again. “I’d really like to get this over with, I have patients to see and a full day ahead of me.”

“Lena, you don’t have to work today, it’s completely fine.” Alex countered softly. Lena closed her eyes, her jaw clicking. 

“No, what I have to do is get a one patient into surgery, check on another’s recovery, and take care of countless other responsibilities as clinical lead of CT! I don’t have time to take a day off Alex, and I certainly don’t need it.” She took a quick intake of breath and Alex remained silent. Lena turned back to Detective Sawyer.

“Now, may we begin?”

Throughly poked and prodded, a new bandage on her cheek and a tight wrap around her newly discovered cracked ribs and sore shoulder with pictures to document it all, Lena sat on a plastic chair in an empty office, waiting for the extensive questioning she knew was coming. She bounced her knee up and down, listening to the clock tick awfully loud on the wall. The door opened.

“Doctor Luthor, are you ready for a few questions?” Detective Sawyer asked, her partner, Detective Stansdon following behind to sit across from the red head. Sawyer put a tape recorder on the table.

“Yes, yes. I’m due in surgery in twenty minutes. This better be done by then.” Lena insisted casually, forcing her hands to stop fidgeting by folding them together.

“Maybe… I hope so. Since you are so eager, I’ll go right ahead. But if you feel like stopping for a break or anything, just tell us. It would be of no inconvenience.” Sawyer warned. Lena swallowed, felt her throat stick with the dryness, went on anyways. 

“That won’t be necessary.”

“Right, we’ll start then.” Stansdon reached over and turned on the tape recorder. “Twelfth of June, 2019, Detectives Stansdon and Sawyer. Interviewee, state your name please.”

“Lena Luthor, cardio thoracic surgeon at National City Hospital.”

“We are interviewing Doctor Luthor as she pertains to the case of Mercer Deris. Do you confirm or deny this?”

“I confirm.”

“How are you involved in this case?”

“It was me.” Lena paused, then started again. “I mean, Mercer assaulted me. I’m the one who is pressing charges.” Her voice was still strong. It was only the beginning. 

“How did you first meet Mr. Deris?” Sawyer asked.

“My patient, Greyson Daniels, was put in a bed beside him. Mercer first said something to me when I was walking away to prepare for Mr. Daniels’ surgery.”

“And what did he say?” Stansdon this time.

“He told me that I needed to stop ‘flirting’ with Mr. Daniels. I had been extra nice to Mr. Daniels because he was obviously terrified of hospitals, but I guess he saw it as unprofessional.” Her breath caught sharply, and she looked down at her hands, rubbing her thumbs together. “He said that it wasn’t right, and I was just asking for something to go wrong.” She went on, her voice lower, but not any quieter. “And that as much as he disapproved, he wouldn’t want to see me get hurt.”

“And this was the first time he spoke to you?” Stansdon’s brow furrowed and he leaned forward.

“Yes, that’s what I said before.” Lena nodded, a little confused at Stansdon’s sudden attentiveness.

“It’s odd for someone to just up and say something like that to someone they don’t even know. He seems comfortable talking to you, like he is familiar with you.” Stansdon pointed out, an eyebrow raising.

“Well, it’s odd for someone to just up and try to rape someone else, so it surely was a day for strange things!” Lena shouted, angry tears filling her eyes. She stood up so fast that the rolling chair hit the wall behind her. “I have to prepare for surgery now, Detectives.”

“Doctor Luthor, hold on.” Sawyer jumped in, standing too, but much more carefully. “We didn’t mean it like that. We were only suggesting that he must of noticed you before, that’s all. He was probably watching every interaction you had with Mr. Daniels very closely. Please, sit back down.”

“Why does it even matter? He did it. He knocked me out then dragged me through the bushes and dirt to rape me! And I stopped him. Isn’t that enough? Do you need to hear every single word that piece of shit said to me?” Her hands clenched into fists, and she could feel her teeth grinding together.

“Lena, you know every detail will help our case.” Stansdon started slowly his palms up in surrender.

“Oh yes, I know how that works.” Lena interrupted. “One minute I’m spilling my guts to two uniforms in a secure room, the next, everything I’ve said is whispered all over the hospital. Instead of sexual assault, it’s rape. Instead of cracked ribs, they’re broken. Then there will be the pity, pouring off people in droves. Saying ‘you’re so strong’ and ‘I’m so sorry’. They’ll all try to act normal around me, but they’ll be waiting for me to break. And they will like it too, even if they can’t admit it, because if they can be sorry for me, then I’ll be a victim in their eyes. You see, I’m the best surgeon in this hospital, and I didn’t get there by submitting to anyone or anything. I am held to a high standard. 

And if I’m a victim, they can put me in a pigeon hole; the world will fall into place for them. They can feel strong again while I fade out. If Lena Luthor can fade out, well, she was never as good as she seemed. They will slip on ‘handle with care’ gloves and pass me around to be held, all the while feeling like saints for it. Their bleeding heart sympathy will reinforce humanity’s great sense of moral righteousness. They will feel powerful.” Lena paused, her voice breaking. She averted her eyes.

“Just like Mercer Deris wanted to feel powerful. Frankly, when you think of it like that, it makes me less inclined to even say a word, because what I felt, when he was on top of me, unbuttoning my pants while I couldn’t even breathe: shame, doubt, powerlessness, incompetence... I’d be feeling that every single time they so much as looked at me. So no, Sawyer, Stansdon, I will not sit down. I have surgery.” With that, Lena stormed out, her footsteps rapidly receding down the hall.


	4. It Was Really Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter four my bros proceed with caution

The operating room was silent, save for the clink of metal instruments, the whirring of the suction, and the mumbling of the surgeons and nurses every so often. Although a life was literally held in their hands, all was calm, especially Lena Luthor, who was relieved that the surgical mask covered her slashed cheek nicely. A sense of tranquility wavered happily over her mind, because for the first time since Mercer, people were treating her normally. Doctor Winn Schott wasn’t afraid to point out mistakes (if she had actually made any, that is) and joke around, and it was so refreshing. She was not a victim, but a steel-edged surgeon. The beep of the heart monitor was her idea of a musical beat, the delicate slicing and reconstructing of a pulsating organ her idea of arts and crafts.

But, like the rest of her week had been going so far, there was something there to ruin the fun. This time, it was her eyes, going in and out of focus while she operated. She thought it must have something to do with the blow she had received to the back of her head. Either way, her hands were in the chest of a patient, and there it went again, her vision blurring, making her retract from her position. She set down the patch and blinked rapidly a few times.

“You alright?” Winn asked offhandedly, continuing his assist.

“Yes.” Lena quickly confirmed, then cleared her throat quietly, her vision coming back into focus. “Tired, that’s all.” Shaking her head to clear it, she reached back in. 

“Long night, huh? You have to stop staying here so late, Lena. Your dedication is admirable, but not if you’re falling asleep during surgery.” Winn told her teasingly, the smile hidden by the mask evident in his eyes.

“Point taken. Now get back to work, Schott.” Lena returned. The door to the operating room swung open, and Lena didn’t look up to the careful footsteps coming in.

“Lena, I have to speak to you.” Alex. Come to reign her in. Lena motioned for Winn to apply more suction. 

“I can’t right now, Alex.” It had been fine before she walked in. She could pretend like yesterday hadn’t happened. Now, a dull ache arose from her ribs. Shifting her feet, for a second she was on the ground again, watching as Mercer’s foot came crashing down on her. At the sudden silence of the suction, she realized she had stopped operating.

“It’s very important that you talk to the police.” Alex pushed, her tone softening. Lena gritted her teeth and rotated the scalpel slowly in her palm.

“Police? What’s going on?” Winn interjected, his eyes shifting from nurse to surgeon. Lena took in a deep breath and put the scalpel back on the instrument tray with more force than necessary, rattling it on its wheels.

“Doctor Schott, could you excuse me for a second? I shouldn’t be more than a couple minutes.” Lena said loudly, before turning and stalking to Alex, the eyes above her mask glinting with annoyance. 

“You need to give your full statement to the police. They’re tired of waiting and look like they will leave soon.” Alex explained under her breath.

“It’s not like I can leave a man open on the table, Alex. Besides, I have nothing else to say to them.” Lena snapped, her voice at a whisper. Alex shook her head disapprovingly.

“Come on, they told me you didn’t even tell them what happened. They can’t go off just my account. Yeah, I saw you with blood all over you, saw you pop back in your own partial dislocation for God’s sake, but I didn’t see the attack. That’s the blank you need to fill in.” Alex encouraged. Lena was silent for a moment, then gave a sigh of disbelief.

“Are you kidding me?” She breathed out. “I knew it. Police confidentiality my ass. They’ve already started spreading information. Forget it Alex, I have surgery.”

“You can’t just-”

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do. I have surgery. Leave.” Lena demanded, voice deadly. Alex gave her a long look, that look she so dreaded, before turning on her heel and walking out. As Lena came back up to the table, Winn eyed her wearily. Although he was not able to hear the conversation, he could sense the tension in the air.

“Is there a problem?” He asked cautiously. 

“No, some patient had a complaint and the police were notified. Doctor Danvers thought I was the doctor on the case. You can understand why I would be confused, but I made sure she knew I had no involvement.” Lena clarified, getting straight back into business. Winn clicked his tongue pensively.

“You better make sure of that. Terrible thing to get mixed up in, even if you’re innocent. Seems like these days the police drag up everything. Once, I had a patient who was a drug addict. First, I was just the doctor that was giving the police some information on his past hospitalizations - and there was a lot of them - then I was being questioned for suppling the guy! Of course, I didn’t do anything, but it was a tough reputation to live down. Anyways, moral of the story, get yourself as far away from whatever is going on.” Winn advised. Lena swallowed thickly, a shadow dropping further down with every word.

“Trust me, I will.” She agreed. The heart monitor beeped steadily. Blood flowed through veins. The scent of lidocaine filled the sterile air. Above were fluorescents, below only tile.

“Suction.”

Kara stood at the doors to Mercer Deris’s private room. Inside, he was sleeping, and through the wired glass window she could swear he had a grin on his face. She knew he didn’t. A vision came to life before her eyes, one where she walked in there and started beating the living shit out of him, feeling his skin mash under her knuckles. 

The idea was intoxicating, but still she stood there, not able to make a move. It would be damaging to the case. That, she cared about. It would be damaging to him. That, she didn’t. Alex rounded the corner, her stride fast and her hair falling loose around the shaved sides of her head. Kara met her halfway, taking a last glance into Mercer’s room.

“She is refusing to say anything more to the police.” Alex started, holding up a hand to stop Kara from interrupting. “Don’t ask me why. If I were to guess, I think it’s a pride thing. You know how Lena is. Or, she doesn’t want to face it. Both ways, she’s in surgery and said she is done talking about it.

“I don’t care if she wants to ignore this, she can’t. We have to convince her to go back to the police.” Kara insisted. Alex threw up her hands in defeat.

“Good luck trying. She won’t listen to me. You guys are close. You’re the only person I can think of that she really cares about. Perhaps you can make her see sense.” She paused, looking down at her watch. “I have to go do my afternoon rounds. The police are going to give up on her pretty soon if she doesn’t come to them. I know that you’ve been arguing, but maybe let her know that you won’t.” Kara looked down at her feet, nodding as Alex hurried away.

Knowing better than to interrupt Lena while she was operating, Kara decided to camp out in the locker room, planting herself at the empty desk and getting paperwork done as she waited. After two hours of various people going in and out, flashing her warm smiles, the door handle rattled, and in finally stepped Lena Luthor, still in scrubs and angling her face to the ground. She didn’t notice Kara at first, clearly tired from surgery and the added stress inflicted on her body. Limping heavily to her locker while holding her side, she only got one number entered in the combination before freezing. Kara closed her binder and stood up. Lena stiffened.

“Get out.” She ordered. “Get out!” With the sudden raise in volume, a flash of white pulsed through her head, causing her to catch her breath for a second before it faded away. Kara pretended like she didn’t notice. Lena’s head turned to the side, and the gauze stuck out plainly against her purpling skin.

“Will it scar?” Kara asked quietly, folding her arms. Lena finally turned, but didn’t meet her eyes. The makeup on her neck had smudged during the day, and Kara could see the molten bruises circling it.

“Indefinitely. Is that enough with the questions? Can you kindly get the fuck out of here?” Lena spit out, rotating her shoulder slowly in discomfort.

“Look, I realize I’m the last person you want to talk to right now, but all that aside, I still care about you. I’m worried about you.” Kara admitted, taking a step forward openly. 

“Well that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in a very long time.” Lena responded snidely. Her beeper went off in her pocket, and she continued with the lock, opening the metal door.

“What happened, Lena? What did he do?” Kara whispered, leaning against the line of lockers. Lena got out her makeup bag, starting to dab concealer delicately on her neck.

“Nothing that a sharp elbow couldn’t deal with.” Lena said after a while indifferently. She sighed when she saw that the makeup didn’t cover the extent of the damage. She’d have to change back into her regular clothes and sit in her office doing paperwork all day. 

“You’re in shock. You shouldn’t be here.” Kara insisted, trying to keep her voice from shaking. It broke her heart to see Lena like this, cold and distant. It was her usual personality with others, but not with her. Never with her.

“You expect me to accept your sympathy?” Lena rejected, her voice rising. She slammed the locker shut and turned, opening her mouth to say something else.

“Mercer Deris is a dangerous man.” Kara pushed before she could. “You need to make a statement to the police.” Still, Lena’s eyes did not meet hers, only drifted off to the side.

“No,” Lena said stiffly, an absolute stony front making her face and stature harsh and closed off. “What I need is for you to leave so I can go about my day in peace.”

“This is a matter where you have to discard any negative opinions about me and just listen. Even if I wasn’t your friend; as a colleague, as an outsider looking in, I’m telling you this is a terrible thing, it shouldn’t happen to anyone, and I want to help.” Suddenly, Lena shifted her energy, looking Kara straight in the eye, daring her to look away.

“Now that is just an outright lie. You’re loving this. It’s a trip being able to say that Lena Luthor isn’t as indestructible as she seemed. Well, I can tell you one thing: This hasn’t changed me. I’m not some type of character in a story that is cold and unlovable until something bad happens that makes the audience have a soft spot for her. Nothing will ever be able to make me weak. So before you go around, being the hero, making me ‘feel better’, I’m saying I won’t need your help. Mercer Deris trying to rape me does not make you some martyr for social justice and compassion!” Lena squeezed her jaw, relishing the pain it inflicted on her teeth, standing silently, waiting for a response that could possibly top hers.

“You don’t get to do that!” Kara shouted, making Lena flinch back at the unexpected force of it. “I get that a lot of stuff has happened, and you feel all of it, even with that emotionless bitch act that you put on. But that does not mean that you get to dump all your messed up shit on me. You don’t get to hurt everyone around you because you are hurt yourself.” Lena was silent, blinking on watery eyes, face red with anger.

“Fuck off, Kara. If you don’t want to be around me, don’t, but you have the wrong idea about me. I’m not a tragic story, and I’m not putting on an act. This is just who I am, and you can deal with it or leave.” She wasn’t yelling like Kara was, she wasn’t gesturing flippantly, but her voice came out grave and slow. 

Kara stepped forward so her face was inches from Lena’s. She felt her breath stir on her cheek, and she prepared herself for what she was about to say. “I could care less about your prideful bullshit. I don’t care what happened to you to make you like this, to make you accept being like this. I know you, as much as you’d ever let anyone. I know what you are thinking. You’re embarrassed. You’ve realized you can be beaten. You’re weak. You’re a statistic now, and you hate it.” Kara’s face twitched, but she pushed herself through the deliver the hurtful words. “Poor Lena. Poor you. Guess what, you got off easy. Did he actually rape you?”

“Stop it.” 

“Oh, he didn’t? So, what do you have to complain about? Why shouldn’t you go to the police? Are you scared of having the stigma of the female doctor who was almost raped?”

“Stop it.”

“All of them were right. We should have never let women into medicine. Too emotional, too vulnerable, too many liabilities. Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds?"

“Kara.”

“Because I don’t care about your stupid feelings in this. You let him go free, you give him the opportunity to attack others.”

“Please, stop.”

“Or maybe next time, he might finish the job. Some girl will end up dead, and she’ll have a funeral and her family and friends will come, and they’ll all be hunched over in their seats, crying and asking each other who would do this to their mom, their sister, their best friend. And do you know what the answer will be? Lena Luthor, the coward who was too selfish to go to the police. Instead of saving a life, she saved her reputation!” 

“Just stop it!” Lena screamed, her voice breaking into a loud sob as tears flooded down her face. Her legs gave out from underneath her, but Kara quickly caught her, letting her bury her face in her shoulder. Lena’s whole body was shaking, her cries wrenching and violent, her hands making fists in Kara’s shirt, holding on for dear life. Kara pulled her close, supporting all of her weight, feeling the bandages under her scrubs.

“Breathe, just breathe, Lena.” Kara whispered, swaying gently, her arms sore from holding on so tight. Lena was shuddering in shallow breaths, it was hard to get air through her throat, closed up. Her ribs ached as her sides heaved. Tortured sounds came through her lips and Kara kissed the top of her head.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but I had to. I couldn’t let you pretend anymore. It would have destroyed you.” At these words, Lena pulled away, wiping hastily at her puffy eyes. Kara tried to keep her in arms reach, but Lena stepped back quickly, a flash of hurt going across her face.

“I can’t believe you just did that. I can’t believe you just manipulated me into quite literally falling into your arms.” Lena stammered out, her brows drawn together and her fists clenched, voice still shaky. 

“I know, that was awful. I feel awful. You had to hear the truth. You had to stop lying to yourself.” Kara justified, stepping forward one more time as a last effort, thwarted when Lena raised her hands and pushed her firmly away by the shoulders, a look of disgust pinching her face. Kara stumbled back, steadying herself with a hand on a nearby locker. 

“And what made you decide you were going to be the one who made me see the error of my ways?” Lena asked with a shake of her head. “Do you think you’re noble and brave? My God, someone had to be willing to break the camel’s back, and it was none other than Kara Danvers. Bravo, I applaud you for you service!” Her voice was high from her tears, still sliding down her blotchy cheeks.

“Lena, please. This had nothing to do with me. Hate me if you like, but you have to understand that no one is going to think less of you for reacting to this. You can show that you are a human being after all.” Kara said, ignoring her outburst. Lena didn’t respond, just tried to gather herself, straightening up and closing her eyes to stop the tears. 

“I’m done attempting to reason with you. Obviously, you are not going to give yourself a break. But know this, you can’t let anyone else get hurt. You don’t actually have the right to go to the police, but the obligation.” Kara finished, but did not turn to leave. She waited for something, anything. 

“Okay, I’ll go to the police.” Lena complied, before going on, that wet anger still in her voice. “But don’t you ever, ever do that again. Do not think that was okay. That was extremely cruel.”

“I know.” Kara said, ducking her head in guilt.

“No, you don’t know.” Lena snapped. “You have no idea. Go ahead and yell at me and call me a coward, but don’t you ever presume to know anything about what happened or how I feel. You know nothing.”

“I apologize, truly. But I can try to understand. You don’t have to go through this alone. I can help. You don’t have to be scared anymore!” Kara emphasized, tears welling up in her eyes.

“We’re all scared, right?” Lena asked, raising her voice. “All of us. You’re scared of letting go of your dead girlfriend, so you obsess over her stupid rare book collection! Winn is scared that he won’t live up to everyone’s expectations so he latched on to me, knowing full well that I’ll only hold him back. And Alex, Alex is so scared that she is responsible for that rapist attacking me that she is running around the hospital trying to fix everything, even though she knows that there is nothing she can do to make it better! So yeah, we’re scared. And what do we do, cry and weep about it forever? No, we get on with it! That’s what normal people do, we get on with it!” Lena finally stopped, breathing heavily, no trace of her recent and brief vulnerability showing through her hard exterior. The room was quiet, Kara staring at her shock, Lena staring back.

“And what are you scared of Lena?” Kara asked softly, Lena visibly pulled back from the compassion in her voice, swallowing thickly.

“This intrepid conversation never ending. You got what you wanted, why are you still here?” Lena answered unwavering. After a little while, Kara broke her prolonged stance, nodding in defeat as she moved to the door. She opened it, stepping through the threshold, before looking back at Lena, still rigid and watching her every move.

“Ask for help.” Kara concluded sadly, glancing over Lena’s bruised face one more time. “That’s what normal people do. They ask for help.” Then the door was closed, and Lena was left alone, standing in an empty room, the clock ticking. Her ramrod posture deflated, and she looked down, only to see her hands shaking. With a burst of fury, she turned quickly and swung her fist forward, hard. Her knuckles hit the metal lockers with an amplified crash.


	5. Life During Wartime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey fellas, I wanted to warn you guys that this chapter deals with death, firearms, and conversation of shootings. I don't mean to make light of any of these, or the topic of sexual assault that is a main focus of this story. please heed this warning and stay groovy

-Thirteen Months Ago-

The stairwell was dark and quiet, each footfall resounding into the tile. The hospital was on its night time electric light break, everything off but the motion sensor ER unit. Especially down here in the basement as she headed to the back exit. Her phone buzzed in her pocket, its bright screen illuminating the steps before her. Pulling it out, she smiled when she saw that contact name, adorned with a heart emoji.

“Hey Kara, I’m just coming home. What’s up?” Sam greeted cheerily. One more flight to go. She rounded the railing.

“I’m glad I caught you before you left. Where are you?” Kara’s voice spoke radio-like through the phone speaker. Sam looked around, eyeing the basement sign to her right.

“About to leave the stairwell near the morgue in the basement. Why?”

“Could you do me a favor?” Kara asked hesitantly in a childish tone, hoping to persuade her quickly. Sam let out a sigh.

“It depends on what it is.” Sam cautioned, knowing that she’d do it anyways, a smile on her lips.

“Can you go to the lab in the second basement? I think I might have left my favorite pen down there when I was working on the notes for Lena’s stent research.” Kara asked.

“Are you serious babe?” Sam said with a laugh. “You’re going to make me go down to the lab for a pen?”

“I know, I know, but I’m having so much inspiration to write at the moment and, sorry, but I think I may love that pen more than you.”

“It’s nice to know where your true emotions lay.” Sam chuckled. “Of course I’ll get it for you... but I expect compensation!”

“Yes Ma’am!” Kara shouted briskly, earning another chuckle.

“Alright, you dork. See you at home then. Love you.” Sam complied. 

“Love you too.”

Sam hung up the phone and stuck it back into her pocket, a broad smile still on her face as she headed down the next flight of stairs. She didn’t notice at first, her head down and watching her feet, but when she looked up, and there they were, her smile instantly fell. From the open doorway at the bottom of the stairs, cast in shadow, a figure stepped forward, clad in black. The laced boots clicked softly on the tile. Sam’s hand tightened on the strap of her purse, like holding on would somehow ground her, make her stronger. 

“What are you doing here?” The question, no matter her efforts, came out weaker than she’d like. They made no response. Lifting their hand, Sam noticed something metallic, glinting softly in the red glow of the exit sign. The barrel stopped when it was level with her forehead. 

There was no time to object, no time to even open her mouth, before the gun went off in a flash of powder and the bullet pierced her skull, tearing through flesh and brain matter, blood splattering wetly on the stairs. Her knees buckled and her lifeless body hit the cement with a dull thud, thick blood spreading out from the hole between her eyes. 

-Present-

Kara could see it. The bleach stain on the floor that had been hastily scrubbed after the investigation. Everyone mourned, and they set up the shrine upstairs with the candles and the flowers and the cards but no one wanted to see the messy truth of black blood congealing to the cold concrete floor and that blank stare, unblinking where it lay. 

She could handle it, Lena lashing out. It was a defense mechanism. It was her way of acting like she couldn’t care less, when really she cared all too much. But she wasn’t going to lie and say it didn’t hurt. Standing in the doorway, that exit sign above her head and the stain at her feet, she wasn’t going to lie and say she didn’t hate Lena at the moment. Caring for someone and not wanting to deal with their spewing bitterness was not mutually exclusive.

Nevertheless, no matter how she felt, Kara knew that she wouldn’t give up on her. She knew that she would battle through the lashing out and the cold words, because no one else would. And she had seen the person underneath. That person desperately needed help, and in her own messed up way, she was screaming for it. 

Steps came from behind her, steady yet hesitant. Kara turned to see the detective, Maggie Sawyer. She shoved her hands into her black jeans, stopping beside Kara and looking down at the floor. They didn’t say anything for some time, brooding silently and listening to the sound of gurney wheels and doors above their heads.

“I remember this day. A year and four days ago we got a call in reporting a GSW, victim ended up DOA. We thought it was active shooter at first, locked down the hospital. After only a few minutes, SWAT found the shooter. Already put a bullet in his own mouth.” Sawyer reminisced quietly, eyes still on the concrete. Kara didn’t comment. Sawyer went on.

“Life is fucked.” It was short, simple. Enough to get Kara to open her mouth.

“Her name was Sam, Sam Arias. I was the last person to talk to her, even though it was just over the phone. I’m lucky. You hear all those stories of people not being able to say goodbye, or having a big fight before, their last words meaningless or harmful. Want to know the last thing I said to her? ‘I love you too’. I didn’t think about it, it was something we always did, at the end of a conversation. It was careless, but I like to think that those words were echoing in her head. I hope that instead of hearing the gun go off, she heard me saying that I loved her. I always thought that the most meaningful thing I would ever say to her would be the vows at our wedding. I never imagined it would be over a phone call close to midnight, before a piece of metal would pass through her skull.” Kara said, dully staring at the bleach stain.

"It never seemed real before, you know? You hear those breaking stories on the news, of drug shootings and school shootings and domestic shootings and terrorism and of course you’re horrified and you hug the people that you care about, but in time, you forget. The names scrolling across the screen are no longer familiar and they all blur together. The rising number of casualties starts to get so high that you can’t really see it as something you can fix or that is even real. But then, it happens to someone you know, to someone you love, someone that you are used to seeing every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to sleep. You remember laughing with them and crying with them and getting through the day with her by your side and suddenly realize that she won’t ever smile again or sleep in late or lean into a hug. It’s no longer a story, and those statistics are no longer percentages and she is lost. Plain gone. Ripped from the world without a second thought. And then you go around agreeing to a phrase you’d never thought you’d associate yourself with: Life is fucked, Sawyer. Life is absolutely fucked.” Kara wiped tears from her eyes as Sawyer did the same, although the rest of her presence remained steady.

“Call me Maggie, Doctor Danvers. I never realized that you were Sam’s fiancée. I shouldn’t have been so blunt.” She paused, assessing the nonverbal reaction to these words, making sure it was okay to move on, or if she just leave the matter be. She decided on the former.

“I have been a Special Victims detective for ten years. After my first interview with a six year old girl, I went home and I cried and I got out vodka and I drank until I was numb. That night, I feel asleep and didn’t wake up for twenty eight hours. When I finally did, I wanted to give up. I wanted to quit Special Victims and go back to being a traffic cop. When I first started in the police work, I hated it because it was so boring. Issuing tickets and having the occasional high speed car chase. I wanted more, I craved action or something that held more meaning. Right when I did though, right when I got the career I wanted, I found out that being in the firing zone isn’t fun, but deadly. In short, life was fucked.

But then I remembered that little girl. I remembered everything she told me, and I got angry. There was no way I was going to allow him go free or allow myself to bury myself in sorrow. So I went back to work, and the fucker is still in jail. That little girl is sixteen now, and she runs a support group at her school, and has led marches, organized protests. You know what I’ve learned, year after year doing this job and hearing horror stories and telling families that their sons and daughters are dead? Life is fucked, but we can do something about it. We can comfort, we can change laws, we can grow out destruction. We can fight. Also, there are parts that are good. I’ve met amazing people that do amazing things. I am not allowed to be a pessimist, because the only way we can have hope for the future is by being optimistic about it.” Maggie finished, observing the stain on the floor. Kara sighed and entered the stairwell, walking around the bleach, avoiding contact, before sitting on the steps, leaning forward and and resting her forearms on her knees.

“I know that I shouldn’t see only the bad things the world has to offer. I know there is happiness and fun and fulfillment, because I’ve had it, but it’s so hard to see. It’s like a giant pile of garbage has been dumped in front of my eyes. It was all going so well. Sam and I were talking about our future, my job was stable but challenging, my friends supported me and I supported them and everything was good, everything was going right.” Kara shook her head, looking up at Maggie, right in the eye. “This is the part when people say ‘I don’t know what happened’. I’m not going to say that, because I know exactly what happened. Sam was shot. Murdered for nothing. He was crazy. And just when I thought it was the worst it could get, that the universe had given me my fair share, my best-” her voice broke, a sob escaping her lips. Maggie made no move to comfort her, knowing she could get though it, knowing she had to get through it. Kara gave herself a moment, then went on.

“My best friend is brutally attacked by a fucking rapist. I mean, how could this happen? Sure, most people don’t think she is the most pleasant person to be around. She has a prominent mean streak, she hurts people and doesn’t say the right things, but that’s just how she’s always had to be. No one can see past the problems she has, no one even tries to get to know her, but when you do, it’s worth it. She is always there for me, she is so kind, but she hides it. It’s almost like she sees goodness as weak. You’d never know who she really is by just seeing her everyday. My point is, she doesn’t come off as the best person, but that does not justify what happened. No one deserves... that.” Kara paused, closing her eyes and exhaling in disbelief, shaking her head.

“I don’t even know what ‘that’ is. She refuses to talk to me, and I don’t want to push her… any more than I have. I don’t want her to think I’m making this about me, but I want to help. She’s gone through so much, she thinks she can keep it all out of mind and under wraps. While I can recognize that she’s strong as hell, I can hardly believe she’ll make it that much longer doing that. If it’s not me that she opens up to, I can handle it. I don’t need her to come running into my arms, I just need her to be okay. So I hope she’ll come to you. I hope she’ll see what’s right, for her and everyone out there he can hurt, and face up to it. I won’t try to understand how she is feeling, I won’t tell her anything else. I’ve said my part. Yeah, I was harsh with her, but I’ll only regret that if she doesn’t come forward.” Kara dropped her head, holding it in her hands. “I just need her to be okay.” She repeated. “Sam wasn’t okay. I can’t have someone else I love taken from me.”

Maggie stayed by the wall, watching on. There was a loud crash from upstairs, and a beeping going off. Hurried feet thundered overhead. Neither flinched. 

“Lena isn’t dead. Lena is alive, and no one will ever take her way, even if they tried. Trust me, I’ve met the woman.” Maggie reassured, earning a chuckle from Kara. “She’s damned lucky to have someone like you in her corner, and I think she knows it. You’ve been fucked over in the past month, I’m not denying that, but if you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll come out on the winning end, and she will too. If you have half the speeches you said to me that you did to Lena, no matter how ‘harsh’ they were, she listened. 

Obviously, she hasn’t been to see me yet, but I believe she will. As much as she evidently doesn’t like to open up, if she is the person you say she is, she’ll report it. I’ll be here for another half hour, but she can always contact me at the precinct.” Maggie took out her wallet, crossing the floor in the same fashion Kara had, and offered a business card. “There are two numbers on there. Top one is work, bottom is my personal cell. Make sure she gets one. Keep the other for yourself. I always answer.” Kara took the card, not surprised that to find there were actually two. She slid them into her breast pocket, patting it with a smile.

“Thank you, Maggie. I’ll give it to her, or hide it in her paperwork somewhere when she doesn’t take it. It was... relieving to talk to you. To get all my thoughts out loud, even if it is part of your job to talk to people.”

“My pleasure. It wasn’t work.” Maggie started heading up the stairs, but stopped at the landing, looking back. “This isn’t the end, Kara. There’s a lot more good to come out of this life. This is not where the story stops. Take it one day at a time.” Maggie smiled, a serious smile that meant a truth. 

Kara nodded from her seat on the step, and looked on as she went around the corner and her footfalls climbed to the floor above, joining the world they had been underneath. Pretty soon they faded into the garble. The stain was still there and the exit sign still glowed red, but all around, people were moving on, and she wasn’t about to let herself or anyone else be left behind.


	6. Maybe The People

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's an early one for you guys. thanks for sticking around, I promise things are gonna start picking up soon

Lena sat in her office, blinds closed and computer screen lit up, projecting a chest CT. It was hard to focus on the image, her vision still going in and out of blurriness. As much as she hated it, she was going to have to have a head CT. First, she had to get through the workday, and would need to find someone that knew how to keep their mouth shut to perform it. Maybe she’d go to a different hospital. 

But she hadn’t lied when she told Kara that she would go to the police. It was only that the thought of doing so right this very moment wasn’t all too appealing. First, she needed to catch her breath.

She swiveled in her chair, giving up on the scan and opening file cabinets and flipping through the papers, when the door opened behind her. Her fingers froze, dread settling over her body. It was either Kara, Alex, or one of the detectives, and she’d have to deal with more berating and soothing voices. Or it would be anyone else, and she’d have to explain her bruises and bandage. She didn’t know which one she’d prefer.

“Doctor Luthor, have you had a chance to look at that scan yet? I can’t seem to make sense of it. She has all the symptoms of cerebrovascular disease, but I couldn’t see significant atherosclerosis.” It was Winn, and Lena had no surgical mask to hide under. She didn’t turn around.

“No, I couldn’t either, but I’m tired at the moment, so I’m probably not seeing clearly, and we all know of your radiology skills, or lack thereof. Get Doctor Axam to take a look.” She resumed thumbing through files, hoping he wouldn’t wonder why she wouldn’t look at him. 

“Are you sure? You always say Mike is incompetent. Why don’t you just rest awhile and come back to it?” Winn continued, walking further into the room, wandering over to the couch.

“I would appreciate if you wouldn’t question your superior and do as you’re told, Doctor Schott.” She snapped, words clipped and cold. Winn stopped as he was about to sit down, confusion flickering over his face. He was used to Lena being strict, but usually they were on good terms. She certainly would never admit to being tired.

“What’s wrong? Something to do with the police mix up?” He didn’t go up to her desk, just stayed by the couch, ignoring a non emergent page displayed on the beeper.

“Just drop it, Schott. It has nothing to do with you. Get Doctor Axam, I’m not going to ask again.” Lena pulled out the folder she needed and pushed the drawer shut with a slam. Winn held up his hands in surrender.

“Okay, okay. I know when a line has been drawn. I’ll get the scans to Mike.” He quickly left, and when the door shut behind him, Lena let out a breath and turned back to the desk. Her head was killing her, along with the rest of her body. She fumbled around in her purse, finding a container of pain relievers she usually used for severe menstrual cramps and dry swallowed three, wincing as they all went down her throat at once in a hard lump.

This time, it was luck. She knew she couldn’t keep avoiding the subject or hiding her face, especially when the gash on her cheek scarred. This wasn’t something that would go away, or could. Soon, she’d have to talk and she didn’t know if it would be the truth, or an excuse. 

One thing was for sure. Something that had been cloudy before, but now was abundantly clear: Going to the police wouldn’t make the story and gossip spread any faster than it already was. By testifying, she would be able to get the right story out there, not let people make up what they believed happened. She could set the record straight. There was no rape, and she had beat the bastard unconscious. She was not a victim, but a survivor that would take no bullshit. 

As Winn left, heading down to AAU to find wherever Mike was hiding out, flirting with some young nurses no doubt, Alex came around the corner and noticed the pensive look on his face. Ever the person to jump on any problem she could fix, she approached him readily. 

“Winn, everything alright?” Alex asked, crossing her arms.

“Maybe. Lena told me to get Mike, I suppose you won’t happen to know where he is?”

“Lena?” Alex questioned, a bit supposed that the doctor was still there. “How did she seem?” 

“Oh, her usual self. But do you know where Mike is?” Winn said nonchalantly, not detecting the worry in her voice. 

“Probably at the nurses’ station. But Lena was, you know, okay?” Alex dismissed the topic of the flirtatious surgeon, going straight to the subject most of her day had circled around, from getting people to check up on Mercer Deris because she “wasn’t allowed” to because of her status as a witness (that is, if the incident was ever reported), to closely watching the heart surgeon without her knowing it. It wasn’t her job, but for some reason she felt like she had to go the extra mile. If only she had ignored security’s worries and warned the ward about the dangerous man they were housing. Maybe none of this would have happened. 

“What do you mean, Alex?” Winn asked, picking up on the fact that there was something else going on. 

“Well, she told you about it in surgery after I came in, right?” Alex tentatively inquired, not wanting to betray any trust that Lena might have put in her.

“Oh, yeah that whole police business. She seems a little stressed, but who wouldn’t? She did get away from all that though, right? They know it was all a misunderstanding?” Winn chuckled, tongue in cheek. Alex stared at him, horrified.

“What did she tell you, that I was lying? Why on earth would I do that? She can’t just walk away from this. I know what I saw, and I won’t let it happen again!” Winn paused, the smile disappearing from his face, and he ushered Alex quickly to the side of the corridor, further away from listening ears. 

“You’re talking like this is a lot more serious than I thought.” He said in a much lower voice. “It didn’t come across as a big deal to me.”

“A big deal!” Alex exclaimed, causing a few heads to turn momentarily. She paused, waiting for them to lose interest before going on, much quieter, but without a lessening of intensity. “I like to imagine that a good man like you would consider attempted rape as a big deal, but I guess I was wrong.” Winn stopped, suddenly aware of his pulse, of his breath going in and out, the slow blink of his eyelids.

“What?” He breathed out, barely even hearing himself. Alex scrutinized his reaction, confused.

“You told me you knew.” She whispered, the realization that he had not donning on her. Immediately, she regretted her words.

“I only knew that the police wanted to talk to her about something she wasn’t actually involved with. She never told me...” Winn shook his head and brought his hand to the bridge of his nose, pinching it as he let out a heavy sigh. “Who?”

“I...I don’t know if I should-” Alex started hesitantly, looking at him in that narrow way that made him nervous. He pushed it aside.

“Alex, please. Lena is my superior, and not only do I care about her well-being, she is also my teacher. I cannot have her unable to teach me. If there is anything I can do to help, I have to know what happened first. Don’t worry, I won’t tell her how I know. Any backlash will fall on me. Please.” Winn urged, gently yet intently. Alex paused, her fingernails scratching over her arm, before taking in a breath and breaking her intimidating stare.

“Mercer Deris.”


	7. Talks

Kara pushed through the doors to Mercer Deris’s room, giving a habitual glance at his heart monitor and IV before pumping hand sanitizer on her hands and putting on medical gloves. He was asleep, a sling cradling his arm and a dark purple bruise covering his face. It looked like it hurt. Good. Even though she was Lena’s friend, and she wanted Deris to burn in hell for all he was worth, he was still a patient and she was still a doctor. The hospital couldn’t afford any negligent law suits, or have a patient die in their care. 

As she was reading over the most recent additions to his chart, standing at the foot of his bed and keeping him in the corner of her eye, he stirred, blinking out of the light doze. When he woke up fully, he smiled crookedly to see Kara in his room.

“She was your girlfriend?” He said, phrasing it like a question when it was really a statement. Kara made a quick note on the chart. 

“Mr. Deris, I am not here to discuss any personal matters, I am merely your medical professional.” Kara clipped coldly, not looking up at him. 

“Did she dump you? Is that why you didn’t cry at her funeral?” Mercer went on, completely disregarding her comment. Kara’s hand stopped mid sentence. The words on the chart came to sudden clarity, and she slowly shifted her focus on the man on the bed who was watching her, relaxed.

“What did you just say?” She had to force the words out with an effort.

“They’re all the same. Women who you trust, then they try to scrape you off the bottom of their shoes like you’re gum to them. They shouldn’t be able to ignore you, especially since they owe you everything you’ve given them.” Deris sneered, upper lip curling, obviously trying to get a rise out of her. Kara hardly heard anything he said, those words ringing in her ears.

Is that why you didn’t cry at her funeral?

He wasn’t talking about Lena, not this time. His eyes studied her with amusement, and didn’t they seem a little familiar? Not in the color, but the shape. And the nose, always reminding her of someone regal. Always, like she had seen it before. She had. 

“She wasn’t like that though. Sam would never do anything to hurt anyone else, she cared too much about people.” Mercer backtracked, getting more serious. The teasing smile falling. “So I want to know, why didn’t you cry? Did you ever love her like she loved you? Or were you hung up on someone else, someone with dark hair or maybe a young new intern?”

“How do you know about Sam? Who are you?” Kara finally questioned, ignoring his implications regarding any type of infidelity, holding the end of the bed frame with a crushing grip.

“She didn’t tell you? I’m not surprised. Even though I never did anything to her, uh, directly to make her upset, she couldn’t past my ‘actions and destructive personality’ as she put it.” He paused, giving Kara more time to stew, more time to wonder and fret. “I’m her brother.”

“Brother?” Kara repeated in disbelief. “Sam told me that she was an only child. Her parents didn’t mention you, not even in the plans for our wedding.” Her head was spinning. The man that had attacked her best friend was also her dead fiancée’s brother. All she could see when she looked at him was a vision of his fist swinging forward, of his face contorted with rage. Was this supposed to be the same person Sam grew up with? The person that knew her before life had a say? It was impossible, yet no matter his dark demeanor, she found herself unable to dismiss his revelation a lie. She found herself believing him.

“Well, if she didn’t tell me about you I doubt you’re worth knowing. By everything that has transpired in the last twenty four hours, I can see she was right in leaving you out of her life. I’m not interested in anything you have to say.” Kara snapped, starting her checkup by gesturing for him to sit up. He did so silently, wincing as she felt around his nose. As her fingers slid over his skin, she couldn’t help but remember the marred skin on Lena’s on face, and she reveled in the fact that, if she so wanted, she could easily wrap her hand around Deris’s throat and squeeze until he was no longer a problem. Considering it, the bones under her fingers vibrated as he spoke.

“I could care less what you think of me. I can even look past our whole business with Doctor Luthor. I’ve seen the bitch in action, and it’s no one’s fault but hers what she gets.” He started, anger rising in Kara’s chest at his words. She pulled back and began jotting notes on her chart, not making eye contact.

“Last time I checked, you attacked her, Mr. Deris. I can hardly think any behavior grants sexual assault.” She replied coldly, to which Mercer shot up straight, eyes narrowing.

“Hold your tongue, Doctor Danvers!” He shouted, and as much as she didn’t want to, she obeyed, flinching inwardly at his violent side. “I don’t want to talk about that. I want to know why she was shot. I want to know why my sister is dead!” His tone was almost accusatory, and Kara was glad his wrist was handcuffed to the bed, or she was sure he’d not be at quite a comfortable distance. Contemplating calling security, she decided against it, knowing she wasn’t in any real danger.

“The police said-”

“I know what the police said!” He interrupted. “As easy as it would be to believe that some crazy guy got a little trigger happy and killed her, that seems a little too easy, doesn’t it? You’ve seen the cop shows, there’s always something else going on behind the front. What would Sam do for someone to react like that, crazy or not? They said that they thought Sam and Fredrick were friends, with all the calls between them. You know, you don’t just talk to someone because you like them. Those phone calls could be a lot more.” He leaned forward, locking those eyes so much like Sam’s onto her own. “I think... I think she got involved in something that was too much for her, got in over her head with some bad people. Why else would Fredrick, her so-called ‘friend’ kill her on the spot?”

Kara was quiet, the idea shocking her. She had readily accepted the police report, felt it reasonable that someone had cracked and lashed out. Now, Mercer’s pondering circled, that initial questioning she first had when Sam was murdered replaying. Still, she refused to let Deris know he had gotten inside her head.

“Like I said, I’m not listening to anything you say. You have no right to pretend to care about her now, after a lifetime of being on the wrong side, brother or not. A nurse should be by with your dinner shortly.” Kara cut off the brief conversation, heading for the door.

“Doctor Danvers?” Mercer called, continuing when she stopped. “Do tell Lena I hope she’s okay. Even with her preposterous allegations against me, I can understand something happened to her. I hope she sees the error of her ways.”

At first she wasn’t going to say anything. At first, she was going to contain her anger, take a breath and walk out. Then well, she saw Lena, in the locker room, begging for her to stop as tears swelled down her bruised cheeks, and she couldn’t do it.

“Fuck you, Deris!” Kara burst out, swinging back around to face him. “We all know that’s bullshit! You cracked her ribs, slammed her head so hard that even the sound of her own voice makes her cringe, cut up her face so it will scar. Do not tell me that that was a misunderstanding! Do not tell me you didn’t do anything. You sit here, in your comfy hospital bed and be glad that you’re so lucky only to have a broken nose. If I could, I’d kill you myself, I don’t give a shit if you’re Sam’s brother!” With that, she shoved the door open, striding down the hall with more than a few employees watching her go, concern and confusion etched on their faces. 

Her breath was still heavy when she practically ran into Winn, rounding the corner with determination. He hardly broke his step, but faltered at Kara’s state, catching her arm as she tried to walk by, his mission pushed momentarily to the side.

“Kara, stop for a minute,” he urged. “slow down.” She complied, but stayed on edge, not meeting his eyes when he ducked his head to catch them. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“Me?” Kara scoffed. “I’m absolutely fine. It’s other people I’m worried about, and another person I’m pissed with. But you don’t need to concern yourself with it.”

“Is it Mercer Deris?” Winn interjected, his mood darkening. Kara looked up at him, surprised.

“How do you know about him?” She asked, glad that Lena had someone else in her corner, but worried at the same time. How fast was word getting around?

“Alex told me. She thought Lena had told me already, it was an honest mistake.” Winn explained quickly. 

“Yes, it’s him. I was just in his room. He infuriates me. He asked me to check up on her for him, acting like he was innocent.” Kara seethed. Winn held up his hand, titling his head to the side.

“Wait, do you mean to say that he is being held here? What are the police thinking? I want that man out of this hospital, way from Lena, away from all of our female staff and patients!” He yelled in disbelief. 

“Yeah, Lena hit him hard enough that he had to be admitted. Caught him a few times in the chest by the bruises I saw, and he was in a car accident yesterday too. Bastard deserved all of it, and more.” Winn shook his head in amazement, almost smiling at the thought of his badass teacher beating the shit out of some perv, but the situation sobered him. Strong as she was, she wasn’t supposed to ever use that strength to fight for her life. Not here, not his friend.

“I wouldn’t care if he was in a coma. Why can’t another hospital take him? Isn’t this an issue for due process of the case, that he is getting treated by the... victims... colleagues and friends?” He questioned, outraged by the whole thing.

“And almost family...” Kara mumbled under her breath.

“What?” Winn said, not quite making out her words.

“Nothing.” She waved off. There was too much going on to add the interesting tidbit that Deris had come close to becoming her brother-in-law. “The thing is, the hospital cannot deny treatment to a patient for no reason, no matter what we think of them. We have a duty of care, and until Lena presses charges, there is no interference with any case because there isn’t one.”

This conversation, this day for that matter, keep getting worse and worse. Winn didn’t know if he could stand getting thrown for another loop. Lena Luthor: ruthless, fighter, feminist, she who takes no bullshit, was going to let a rapist walk?

“She’s not pressing charges.” It came out as a statement, defeated, deflated. This was truly the end of the sane world.

“No, she hasn’t. Yet. Don’t lose faith in her though, Winn. She told me she would. Lena’s too prideful and stubborn for her own good, but in the end she always does the right thing.” Kara encouraged. “A few minutes alone with Mercer Deris and I want to kick his ass. I doubt Lena will let this go.”

“Fine,” Winn sighed. “We keep him on the ward, if nothing but to keep an eye on him. No one is to know who he is. We don’t want a malpractice suit on our hands from people who give him a bit of alternative medicine.” Winn said, hands balled into fists. 

“One thing is certain,” Kara said, “if Lena doesn’t get him off the streets, I’ll be sure that he pays for what he has done, and he won’t hurt anyone else, one way or another.”

With a glance down the corridor, eyes scanning the rooms, knowing one held a man he’d rather not get acquainted with, Winn walked away, back the way he’d came. He prayed that a Doctor Lena Luthor wouldn’t be anywhere to find, meaning she was with the police. 

Too many devastating things had occurred at National City Hospital, from all the messes patients brought in to the shooting and now this, yet each heart monitor still beeped, clocks ticked with the steady movement of their hands, doctors shoved gloved hands into open body cavities and somehow fixed the problem instead of making it worse, all the gears turning and twisting as they should. All the while a dark mass hung overhead like a fog.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the end of an unofficial part one. not because things have been resolved, but that the next chapters take things deeper. perhaps things aren't as simple as they seem.


	8. Up All Night

Lena had been able to avoid people for the rest of the day, until sunlight was no longer coming through the windows of her office and the ward was dark and hushed. As much as others would say that she needed to go home and rest or recover or whatever, she found the only time she was calm was at work. Last night had not been ideal, from the painful stitching up of her wound and the shower refusing to get warm enough, to the insomnia that plagued her mind and the nightmare that played over her eyelids every time she tried to close them. No, it was better being here, running the ward. It was good to feel useful, in control. 

Although she wasn’t hungry at all, even though she hadn’t eaten all day, she knew she had to get some kind of nutrition in her body, and that meant leaving the confines of her office, risking run-ins with with morbidly curious people she wasn’t sure she was ready to have. In addition, she had to get around to finding the detectives and finally giving them her statement. She wasn’t sure she was ready for that either. Nevertheless, it had to happen.

As Lena stood up from her desk, holding her ribs with a grimace, she was hardly able to take a step before her vision rocked violently, going in and out of focus and each color waxing and waning in intensity. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing for her head to stop throbbing and the nausea to subside. It was only when she opened her eyes again cautiously, the pain in her skull fading to mere irritation, that she realized she was on the floor, surrounded by a mess of papers and pens that she had knocked off her desk in an attempt of balance. 

Among these items a heavy picture frame enclosing an image of Kara, Sam, and herself at the college World Series in Omaha. The glass was shattered. Lena started to pick herself up, grabbing at the edge of the desk like a handle as new pain shot up her side, when there was a knock at the office door. Whoever was outside did not wait for a call for entrance, swinging it open unapologetically.

It was not how she had wanted to have Winn find her. In fact, she would have preferred him walking in on her crying. This was degrading. He stood frozen in the doorway, hand on the knob, not able to mask the shock and embarrassment on his face. Lena looked him straight in the eye, her mouth set in a frown. 

“Are you just going to stand there like some kind of idiot or are you going to help me up, Schott?” She asked, extending a hand stiffly. He rushed forward without much grace, awkwardly but gently pulling her to her feet by wrapping an arm around her waist and a hand on her wrist. When she was steady, after a subdued quick intake of breath from the effort, he stepped back, taking in her bandaged and swollen face fully, not hidden by a surgical mask like before.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked plainly, amazed by her strength yet saddened by it. There was a pause, contemplative, electric in the dim room, shadowing each crevice of her expression, softening her prominent cheekbones and sharp jawline.

“You know then?” She said, unmoving, hand still holding her ribs. It was such a familiar gesture, working in a hospital and being part of the living breathing human endeavor, but it looked so misplaced on her to Winn, so out of character.

“About Mercer Deris? Yes,” he said. “Why didn’t you say something, Lena? I could have helped. Everyone could have helped.”

“I didn’t know how.” She said, quieter, less brash than usual, but still closed off. Suddenly and unexpectedly, he had an overwhelming urge to embrace her, pull her close and let her crumble. He knew it was a bad idea, partially because of her injuries, partially the defensive state of mind any attack would render on a person, and partially because that Lena, happy or not, on a normal day or a bad day, would likely hate him or anyone (besides Kara of course) for laying a hand on her shoulder.

“You have an entire hospital who, although terrified of you, care about you. You don’t have to go it alone. Everyone’s behind you here. I’m behind you, Alex is, Kara is.” Winn said. “We’re all behind you.” Lena ducked her head with a bitter-sweet smile.

“I wished you would have been in front of me.” She sighed, and at that he felt his heart crack. “Anyways, you don’t have to convince me of anything by showing your support, although I do appreciate it. I was on my way to the police station, before you caught me in this position.” 

“Do you...” Winn trailed off with a shrug of the shoulders.

“No, I can make it there on my own, thank you. I’m not a complete invalid.” Her words were harsh but her tone wasn’t.

“I wasn’t suggesting you were.”

“I know.” Lena said softly, then bent down to start cleaning up the items she had scattered, a grimace passing over her face. Winn stepped forward and put a loose hand on her wrist to stop her from going any further.

“You go ahead. I’ll clean this up, don’t worry about it.” He insisted. She shrugged off his hand but straightened up, taking a step back. She watched his from a second, gathering up some papers, before limping towards the door. She was stopped by his call.

“Wait Lena.” Winn said, at first, her stomach filled with dread. Their conversation had gone as good as she could have hoped, him staying discreet but also sharing his concern. She didn’t want a closing burst of emotion. But when she turned, all she saw was the picture, taken out of the broken frame, outstretched to her.

“I thought you’d want it.” He said sheepishly, and for awhile she just looked at it, sagging in the air from his careful grip on the corner as not to smudge the glossy paper. Then, she took it, holding it in her palm gently, fingers brushing on the sharp corners.

“Thank you, Winn.”

It was two days before Kara saw Lena again. In those two days, the police had arrested Mercer Deris as he was being discharged, staying silent as they read him his rights and loudly proclaimed he was charged with 2nd degree sexual assault. Against Alex and Winn and Kara’s best efforts. It was quickly known that the victim in question was none other than National City Hospital’s infamous cold-hearted surgeon, Lena Luthor. She was ignoring most of the calls from CEO Alura Zor-el, and the one she did pick up was to quickly tell her she would be back in two day’s time and might need flexible hours during the trial. She didn’t get one word in. 

The morning was grey and still with the promise of thunder. Lena’s boots splashed through a puddle as an ambulance came skidding around the corner, sirens whirring ominously in the fog. Curious, she quickened her pace, joining the urgency of the paramedic jumping out of the driver’s seat and racing around back. He flung the doors open to the irrational beeping of a patient going into cardiac distress. Lena dropped her bag and helmet and jumped into the ambulance, too busy to even notice her sore ribs. 

“What do we got?” She demanded.

“Sixty year old female, found unconscious at her residence of possible cardiac arrest. BP 60/80, weak but slow pulse.” The paramedic listed off as they both helped push the gurney onto the street. The heart monitor suddenly stopped beeping, instead emitting a blaring drone.

“She’s flatlining!” Lena yelled. “Starting manual compressions!” Without a second thought she climbed onto the gurney, kneeling with one leg on each side of the patient, careful not to put any weight on her, and commenced CPR. Her hair flew in her face and the paramedics ran them inside, shouting at people to get out of the way, one of which being Kara Danvers. It would be an understatement to say she was amazed. Lena glanced up, dressed in her leather jacket and black jeans and combat boots, sweat gathering on her brow as her arms pumped, her eyes finding Kara’s.

“Doctor Danvers, meet me in the operating room!” She yelled while she crushed though the swinging doors. Kara jumped to action, running after the gurney, and it almost seemed normal, it almost seemed like Lena wasn’t even gone for two days. But as she was rushing to scrub in, watching through the glass as someone else took over CPR, she noticed the way Lena climbed gingerly from the gurney, and after she was off, her tight grip on the handle.

“Are you okay?” Kara asked as she entered the operating room, holding out her hands for the nurses to pull on the sleeves of a surgical gown.

“Fine.” Lena said, not letting go of the handle. 

“It’s just that Winn told me that you had lost your balance earlier. If you’re not ready for surgery-”Kara started.

“We’ve got a rhythm!” Shouted the man who had been vigorously performing CPR. Lena looked around the room, spotting a nurse with a stethoscope around her neck. 

“You, give me that.” She snapped. The nurse handed it over quickly and she put the plugs in her ears. “You’re supposed to use these, not wear them like a scarf.” Lena pressed the instrument to her chest, listening briefly but carefully. “Uneven rhythm, we don’t have time to run a chest scan. Let’s open her up. Now!” Lena hurried out of the room, scrubbing in as she watched the surgical nurses drape the patient. Kara started procedure. She glanced wearily at Lena when she entered again, moving to the other side of the table to assist. It was a few minutes before Lena said anything else.

“To answer your previous concerns, I have an appointment scheduled for a neuro consult because of the... incident Doctor Schott so nicely decided to share with you. It was not bothered me since.”

“Good. I want trying to pry or anything, it was a matter of patient care.” Kara said in a detached manner. Both of them knew this was not the case, but Lena nodded and continued the procedure. The surgery went well, with no complications, but as Lena began closing up the patient, instruments still deep inside her chest, all of a sudden her right leg erupted with a terrible flash of pain and she couldn’t help but gasp as it buckled underneath her. Praying that her hands hadn’t moved too much in the patient, all the while the pain coursing up her leg nearly unbearable. Kara paused, startled by the sudden movement.

“Is everything alright?” She asked, restraining the worry that threatened to leak out. Lena had no answer, slowly pushing herself upright, the hurt evident in her face. Finally, in a tense silence, she achieved her previous stance, her skin dewy with the effort.

“Doctor Danvers, are you okay to close?” Lena asked, phrasing it as though she didn’t need her to close, that it was an option. Kara was fine with playing along.

“Yes, I think I’ll be fine.” Lena didn’t give any indication of thanks, pushing off the operating table and limping away, heavily and slowly, almost on the verge of falling over.


	9. What If There's Nothing To Find

The surgery was over and Kara had taken the time to get something to eat, sitting alone at Pulses with a ham sandwich and brushing the crumbs off the table as she stood up. It was a short walk to Alura’s office, and an even shorter conversation about having the rest of the day off. Alura granted it, but she didn’t look happy. As she turned out of the car park, it felt odd to click the blinker right, since everyday she was used to going left, toward home. Home wasn’t where she was headed.

The door to the police station was just as heavy as Kara had expected it to be. She went straight to the elevators, the woman behind the front desk too busy urgently talking on the phone to notice. Kara fingered the folded card in her pocket, the paper growing soft from the agitated movements. Stepping inside the elevator, she pressed each button, not knowing what floor Special Victims resided on. It ended up on the third, the doors opening to a rattling vending machine, a woman bending over to pick up a bag of chips that had been deposited in the slot. When she turned, in the midst of popping open the bag, Kara fixed her with a smile.

“Oh,” she said abruptly, then relaxed placing a chip in her mouth. “Sorry. Can I help you?” Kara stepped out of the elevator, looking down the hall to a wide, open room full of desks and computers, well-dressed men and women filling in most of them.

“Only if you can tell me where I can find Detective Sawyer.” She replied.

“I’m afraid she is otherwise occupied at the moment. Perhaps I could cover for her, Ms...” the woman, apparently also a detective, offered.

“Danvers. And I’ll wait for her, if it’s all the same to you.” Kara answered curtly, moving to a plastic chair placed conveniently near the elevator. The detective regarded her with a weary look, before shrugging it off.

“That’s fine. I’ll let her know you’re here.”

“That won’t be necessary, Rollins.” Sawyer said, emerging from a door down the hall, her confident strides reaching them in moments, her loose hair bouncing around her warm brown face. Rollins nodded quickly and sauntered away while Kara stood to great her.

“That one’s scared of me.” Sawyer commented humorously, watching her calm retreat before turning to Kara. “What’s brought you here, Doctor Danvers?”

“First thing, I’m glad you have Deris in custody. Any news?” Kara pressed hopefully. Sawyer grimaced, shaking her head.

“You know I can’t discuss an ongoing case.”

“Yeah, I had to try.” Kara said, then went silent. Sawyer tilted her head, catching her wandering eye.

“I have a feeling there’s some other reason you’re here.” She said. “Would you like to go to a private room?” Kara ducked her head bashfully.

“I’d appreciate that.” She said. Sawyer nodded and started down the hall, opening a door to a small room with a. couch, a desk, and the ever-present computer. It didn’t surprise Kara that Sawyer sat on the couch, and she joined her.

“It’s about Mercer Deris.” Kara paused, looking down at her hands and drawing in a shaky breath before looking back up again. “About what he said to me. I want to know if it has any truth to it.”

“Kara, I’ve already said I can’t-”

“No.” She interrupted. “This doesn’t have anything to do with Lena. He told me... he told me that he was Sam’s brother.” Sawyer sat in a quiet shock for a moment.

“And you want to know if he’s telling the truth.” She stated. Kara didn’t respond, so Sawyer went on. “Well, there isn’t anything that blocks me from giving you his birth certificate.” She got up and went to the computer, tapping with agility and speed that told of many years of practice. It was only a few minutes before her fingers stopped, eye fixed to the screen. “Arias.” 

“That’s it. That’s Sam’s last name.” Kara said wearily, slumping back into the couch. Sawyer leaned back in the rolling chair, wondering what this could mean. If Mercer Deris, or Mercer Arias by birth, knew about Sam and Kara, he had probably seen Lena before the day he attacked her, in pictures on their social media pages. What if this wasn’t some random scumbag, but a carefully calculated one? Then again, knowing the woman wasn’t much of a motive. Why would he do it? Sawyer decided to keep her wandering thoughts to herself.

“He told me something about Sam that I couldn’t get out of my head.” Kara said, Sawyer turning to face her. “He had suspicions that there was more to her murder than what was concluded by the police. I know I shouldn’t bother with anything he says, but is there any way I can access Sam’s case file?”

“The case is closed, so there isn’t any legal barriers preventing you from obtaining it.” Sawyer stated hesitantly. “But I’m not sure it’s the best idea. While I didn’t investigate it myself, I can assure you that the homicide unit is known for their integrity.”

“I trust your judgement, believe me. I think I’ll feel better once I can put my mind at ease, see that there’s no merit to what he says.” Kara insisted. It was a difficult decision to make, and the last thing she wanted to do was open a can of worms. But what if Mercer was right? How could she just walk away from something like this? At the same time, she knew she had to be careful about it. It would be all too easy to fall into a hole full of unsupported conspiracy. Mainly, she felt like she owed it to Sam to look into it.

“And what if it doesn’t?” Sawyer asked. “Make you feel better? I don’t want you to expect something out of it and be disappointed when nothing does, as much as you don’t want anything Deris says to be true. Some things are as simple as they seem to be.” But as she was talking, her fingers were steadily typing up an email to the detective that had investigated Sam’s death, telling him to expect Kara in a few minutes.

“It’s a risk I have to take.” Kara said, earning a confirming nod from Sawyer. 

“All right, I’ve notified Detective Elliot Stabler. He’ll get the file for you and have any other information about the case you could want. Is there anything else I can do for you?” Sawyer offered with a smile.

“Get that creep behind bars. I’m happy that Lena finally reported him. I knew she would make the right decision, despite the comprise to her ego. She always does, in the end.” Kara finished quietly, a sense of loneliness creeping up on her words.

“Yes, I get that sort of feeling from her. I hope you don’t mid me asking, but you talk about her as if she’s a friend you haven’t seen in awhile, like you’re reminiscing. Did something happen between you two? You absolutely do not have to answer, Kara. I’m afraid I’m going over the professional boundary.” Kara chuckled good-naturedly, if not a bit sadly.

“Oh, you’re fine.” She said. “You are right though. She’s my closest friend, and me hers, but we had a fight, a little bigger than a normal, healthy disagreement...” she paused, feeling some guilt, not sure how Sawyer would react. 

“She was mad at me. I don’t know why, I remember it being stupid though. Really stupid.” Another pause. “I was humming Christmas music, Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, to be exact. We were sitting in the break room, I had my back to the table because I was microwaving my lunch, and when I turned around, she was glaring at me with such contempt. Before I even knew what was happening, she was in my face, yelling at me. I don’t remember what about. And then…it was just a reaction I had or something. I hate to say it, hate myself for doing it, but I pushed her. Not that gently. 

She immediately stopped, and she looked so hurt, so betrayed, almost like a kid, tears in her eyes. I’ve never seen her look like that before. I immediately apologized, profusely, but she stood there like she wasn’t hearing any of it, then left without a word. I tried to follow, but she ignored me. She hasn’t spoken to me since. It’s rough waters for now, but I hope we’ll be able to reconcile. I don’t now what I’d do without her, but I also don’t know how to explain what I did to her when I can’t explain it to myself, besides instinct, you know?”

It was a shocking thing coming from Kara. Sawyer thought of her as a kind, patient person, but someone who knew their actions. It was hard to imagine someone getting so mad at someone else for pushing them away because a verbal attack. And Kara thought she was in the wrong? Of course, she didn’t agree with physical violence, but what’s an argument between friends? Something had obviously set Lena off.

She reminded herself that she had only known the woman for a few days, and there were sides to people they kept hidden. She had seen it with Lena, who treated everyone so coldly but had fallen apart in front of her while giving her statement, hugging a pillow close and sitting low in the couch. The doctor was definitely more than she let on.

“I’m not quite sure what to say to that, only that it happens to all of us. I punched my mother in the nose once for sneaking up on me. I don’t think you’re the problem, it was whatever made her angry before, not the push. But if your friendship is as strong as it seems, I think you’ll work it out. At this time, she’ll need people that care about her to give her all the support she can get.” Sawyer was about to say something else when her computer emitted a high-pitched ding, diverting her attention. “It looks like Detective Stabler has today off. Would you mind waiting until tomorrow to see the file?”

“Not at all.” Kara said with a sigh, clearly minding it, immensely. Whatever was going on there, she was determined to get to the bottom of it. A day wasn’t going to make a difference, but it would be sure to keep her up tonight. Was Deris right? Or, more importantly, did she want him to be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys I realize that some stuff is kinda out of character, I don't know why but I couldn't fix it. sorry if it read a little off and thanks for sticking around.


	10. Been There, Done That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the second to last chapter I already have typed out in advance. the rest are plotted but not written. I'll try my best to stay on schedule but finals week is coming up fast, along with performances and sports. college am I right? anyways, I'm sorry if I don't update as frequently. happy reading!

FIFTEEN MONTHS AGO 

The morning was so fresh that not even the sun had broken the horizon nor the birds taken flight from high tree branches. Sam pushed though the swinging doors of the quiet ER, anyone that was awake not raising their voices above a whisper. Illuminated by soft computer screens, Nurse Vasquez sipped the last of her coffee with the sight of four new plastic cups tucked into a tray in Sam’s hand. Holding back a squeal of delight when she set then down, Vasquez took one, winking at Sam gratefully. Sam flashed a smile back.

“Anything new since yesterday?” She asked, scanning the ward, dotted with sleeping patients and beeping monitors.

“Thankfully, no. It’s been pretty quiet, but you know with a new day comes more idiots falling off things and kids breaking arms on bikes.” Vasquez said, jumping up when a gurney pushed open doors. “Speak of the devil…”

The orderlies wheeling in the gurney were in no rush, and the small girl sitting amidst the sheets hardly looked at Vasquez and Sam as they rushed up. She had a cut on her forehead that had been hastily bandaged and her leg was stretched tenderly out on the thin mattress, bruised and swollen. Trailing behind the girl was a man on the earliest side of middle age but still dominating the space with a wide frame and an engaging face. It looked to be one that was mostly radiating friendliness, but now he only looked worried.

“Hi hon, I’m Nurse Vasquez. Can you tell me what happened?” Vasquez said sweetly, giving her her biggest smile. The girl stayed silent, and the man was quick to stand in as her voice.

“She fell off the front porch while playing with the dog.” He said, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. Sam frowned at the girl’s response, however slight, casting her eyes down and stiffening at his touch.

“This early in the morning?” Vasquez questioned.

“Yes, apparently she’s an early riser. I can understand it, it’s lot quieter in the morning with everyone asleep. Nice to be with your own thoughts sometimes.” 

“And who might you be?” Sam asked, letting a defensiveness into her tone that wasn’t usually there. He didn’t notice it.

“Fredrick Brown. My dad works at Olivia’s care home, and I came over for a visit last night and accidentally fell asleep in his office, talking to him so late into the night. I was just leaving for work this morning when I saw her fall. I decided to bring her, since Dad only had one other employee with him because Rich was late.” Brown explained openly.

“Right,” Sam said, “and I’m sure Olivia really appreciates it, but we have to take her to get an x-ray on that leg, an even family isn’t allowed in there. We have a waiting room that Stanley-”a nod to one of the orderlies, “can show you.”

Brown, after a pensive look, left willingly with one last long look at Olivia. Sam and Vasquez wheeled the girl to the scanning room. Usually bubbly and quick to cheer up kids, Vasquez was puzzled by Sam’s sudden silence. As soon as they got in the room, Sam pulled the radiologist aside and spoke to him in low murmurs while Vasquez gently helped the girl up onto the table. She still hadn’t said a word, only winced as her leg was jostled. The radiologist nodded gravely at Sam’s words, then went to take x-rays of Olivia’s leg. When the door closed behind them, Sam leaned against the hallway wall with her head in her hands.

“What was that all about?” Vasquez asked, finally out of ear’s reach of the girl. Sam shook her head, then looked up, her fingers dragging down her cheeks to rest on her chin.

“Isn’t it obvious?” She said. “That girl is scared out of her mind. She hasn’t spoken once, even though she is clearly in a large degree of pain, and that Fredrick Brown guy was quick to explain away her injuries. Add that to the way she reacted when he touched her and how he was reluctant to leave her side, you’ve got a classic case of abuse.” Vasquez was quiet, thinking back to all of Sam’s points, and seeing she was right.

“I warned the radiologist. He’s going to tell me if she has any old breaks or fractures. Now though, I need you to stay with her so I can call Social Services. She’s at a care home, and I doubt she’s the only one suffering abuse.”

Vasquez nodded remorsefully, crossing her arms and looking into the small window in the door to the girl laying passively on the table. The thought of anyone hurting a child like that made her stomach ache. Sam put a reassuring hand on her arm and smiled sadly before going down the hall back to the nurse’s station. Brown was waiting, he had left the waiting room as soon as Stanley had left him alone. She didn’t say anything to him and ignored his questioning eyes as she picked up the phone and dialed.

“Is something wrong?” He asked, leaning over the table with his palms spread flat, the wrinkles on his forehead deepening with his raised eyebrows. “Why aren’t you with Olivia? Who are you calling?” Sam turned her back to him and cradled the phone by her ear.

“Yes, Social Services?” She said, and suddenly the waves hinting of aggression coming from the man behind her subsided dramatically. “National City Hospital, ER. I’ve got a girl that just came in with traumatic injuries from a care home. No, it doesn’t look like an accident or anything another kid would do. Yes. Yes. Okay, see you in an hour.” Sam hung up and turned back around to face Brown, an innocent and shocked look plastered over his features. The hospital couldn't legally detain him while waiting for Social Services to arrive, so she'd have to stall.

"No need to worry, Mr. Brown. Except, of course, for Olivia. You seem to care for her, even if she is a kid at your father's care home." Sam said, walking around the desk and starting back to the waiting room, hoping he'd follow. He did.

"Well, of course I don’t really know her, but I like to think I'm a decent enough person to help out." Brown stated. "But why would you call Social Services? Did she say something?" He pushed through the doors Sam had gone through and watched as she took her time sitting down, remaining standing.

"No, in fact." Sam said, stretching out her legs and crossing them at the ankles. "She hasn't said a word. But that really speaks for itself, doesn't it?”

"Surely you don't interpret that to mean..." He trailed off, and Sam was almost caught off guard by the sympathetic look in the eye. But, with her experience as nurse, she was fortified against the befuddled act abusers put on.

First it would be ignorance of even the idea of it - surely not abuse – then falsified anger at the victim's attacker – I'll beat his skull in – then outrage at any sort of confrontation – me? I would never. 

It always crumbled though, and their story would change – it was a freak accident – and change – well, I didn't mean to – and then, when all else failed, confession with heaps of self-pity and seeking forgiveness – but it was a one-time thing you know and I hate myself so much for it and she should just leave me because I'm worthless! I love her and it would never happen again if she would just give me a second chance! 

Inevitably, the offender in the relationship would start the cycle rolling again after a grace period. Yes, Sam had seen it before. With a care home though, things were on a much larger scale, and it wasn't a personal relationship. It was an authority figure abusing his power, with the kids unable to break out, because they had no other choice but to sit and take it until someone else had a chance to help them. Sam had that chance, and she wasn't about to let those kids down.

"Abuse? I'm afraid that's exactly what I mean." Sam said, fighting down the urge to sharpen her tongue. "And since you've told me what a decent man you are, I expect you'll want to help me help her." Brown looked surprised by that.

"For a second there, I thought you were accusing me, Ms…"

"Arias." Sam said, confused by his response. She was used to abusers getting angry at her accusations, or faking relief that she didn’t suspect them, but still angry all the same. Brown seemed dismissive of her suspicion, more curious and concerned. Then again, he could just be a good liar.

"Arias." He repeated, sitting across from her. "But I know my father's integrity, and he would never hire anyone who would hurt kids. Olivia's probably a shy kid who is hurting." Sam narrowed her eyes at him. The man must be an extremely good liar, because she could feel herself beginning to lean in his favor. She scrutinized his face for a while and he held steady for most of it, but he finally squirmed in her glare. He was hiding something. Something that was bothering him.

“What did you say happened again?” She asked.

“She fell off the porch when I was leaving.” He said, keeping her eye contact. Here, he was telling the truth. Or, at least, his version of the truth.

“And you saw it happen, right?”

“Yes.” His voice was strong, but his answer came rushed, and his eyes flicked down to the left, a sign of a lie. Perhaps she had taken the wrong approach with this.

“No one, I don’t know, told you she fell?” Sam probed, making him shift in his seat. There it is.

“There what is?” He asked, stirring Sam from her thoughts.

“Hm?”

“You just said ‘There it is’.” He repeated.

“Yes, and you said that you saw Olivia fall, when really someone told you she did.” Sam shot back.

“I never confirmed that!” Brown raised his voice, sitting straighter on the chair. Sam uncrossed her ankles and mirrored him.

“The question is, why? Who are you covering for, Fredrick?” Sam challenged, ignoring his denial.

“I’m not covering for anyone!”

“Then why did you lie?” She pressed.

“Because I know how it looks, okay? I didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea.” He folded, the defensiveness in his tone fading.

“I’ve gotten the ‘wrong idea’.” Sam said, voice steely, but her view of Brown was changing. Maybe he was the oblivious bystander he was coming off as. Maybe he wasn’t. 

“Clearly, but I truly believe that it’s not what you think. This is all unnecessary.”

“And what makes you say that? How are you so sure?”

“Because I know my father!” Brown yelled, standing up from the chair. “You think you know everything, but you don’t. You’re not the expert here, and you won’t trick me into saying anything because there’s nothing to say. Now, would you please show me where Olivia is? I won’t be detained until Social Services get here like some sort of criminal.”

“Fredrick, wait.” Sam sighed, softer this time. He wasn’t responding well to the blunt approach, and she would have to change her tactics, not to mention she was starting to believe him. “I know that you don’t want to accept the possibility of something going on at your father’s care home, but you have to look at it from my perspective. I would not be doing my job if I didn’t report it. And if something is wrong, it doesn’t mean your father is responsible. Either way, I, we, owe it to that girl to look into it.” He listened quietly, the tension visibly lowering as she talked.

“I know.” He whispered. “I know that. I hope you’re wrong.”


	11. Dead-End Roads

They both looked peaceful in there, Olivia resting on the bed and Brown in a small plastic chair, eyes closed. Sam doubted he was actually sleeping, but didn’t disturb them all the same. It was clear now that Fredrick had nothing to do with Olivia’s injuries. She didn’t feel bad about the way she had treated him. What was she supposed to do when everything seemed to point to him? The beeper in her pocket went off, paging her to radiology. Taking one last look at the scene, she hurried off, stepping around staff with heads craned over iPads and computers and patients hobbling through the halls in their thin gowns and dripping IVs. The room was dark, and scans were clipped onto the light boxes. The radiologist stood in front of them with his arms crossed, his back to the door. He didn’t turn when it shut, and she joined his side. 

“Sam, hello.” He greeted.

“Vinod.” She returned. “Did the scans come up with anything?”

“Well,” he sighed, uncrossing his arms and turning to her “I understand your concern with this girl. Very quiet, very jumpy. I did not want to worry her, so I did not take any additional scans, not to mention the money, so I took... larger ones than usual. Instead of just her lower leg, her entire lower body; hips down. I could not get away with anything else. And the results are interesting. Have you called Social Services?”

“Yes. I’m guessing you found something?” Vinod grimaced, then walked closer to the scans, his eyes narrowing as he scrutinized them closely.

“That is the interesting part. I have looked at these until I still see them when I close my eyes like I have been staring at the sun. There is one thing for certain: Olivia has not had any previous injuries, or nothing that will show up on an X-ray.” Vinod revealed with a frown.

“Are you sure?” Sam asked, shocked and looking at the scans herself, as if she could find something he couldn’t.

“Positive.” He affirmed. Sam stepped back from the light boxes and went to one of the plush office chairs behind the desk and flopped into it. Vinod shoved his hands in his pockets.

“It’s weird, isn’t it? That I’m upset that a girl hasn’t been hurt before?” She said, looking into his sympathetic eyes.

“You want to help her, Sam. Any evidence of past injuries would have built a stronger case for her. I am sorry I could not do my part. It is hardly the only thing that can justify an investigation though. We both saw her and sensed something was wrong, Social Services will have to go on that feeling, if Olivia does not offer any confirmation.” Vinod reassured her. 

“I hope to God she does.” Sam said gravely, straightening from her slouch. “Social Services is hardly an agency that likes to waste their time. Yeah, they have caring people, but not nearly enough to go around and investigate on a “feeling”. They’ll want evidence, a case that can be held up to their superiors and not shot down immediately, and that won’t happen if she doesn’t talk.”

“Do not worry so much about this. You are doing all that you can and more, and however things are supposed to be will come together. If I have learned anything from the temple and my parents, it is that bad karma catches up to a person, in this life or the next. All you can do right now is work with what has been given you.” Vinod pointed out. Sam smiled half-heartedly and wanted to believe he was right.

“Namaste, Vinod.” She said, getting up and opening the door while he bowed solemnly.

When she got back to the nurses’ station, Vasquez was talking to a tall, thin man whose coat hung loosely off his frame and wire rimmed glasses perched on the end of a bird-like nose. His beady eyes shifted immediately to her and read the name tag. 

“Ms. Arias, you’ve requesting me?” He said, then gave her a smile that didn’t show any teeth, only stretched his cracked lips. Vasquez turned and gave Sam a discreet thumbs-up, shielded by her body. Sam had no idea what it meant.

“I have. I can take you to her.” He smiled again and nodded, bending to pick up his notepad from the table. Sam took this opportunity to give Vasquez an exaggerated questioning look. Years of working the night shift together and dealing with disgruntled patients who complained when they were too loud or those who were hard of hearing had pushed them to learn American Sign Language, which Vasquez put into use now.

“You’ve got a good one here.” She signed. Sam felt her downed spirits raise. The man, notebook gathered, looked at her expectantly. Complying, Sam started moving with a beckoning wave of her hand. As they were leaving, she quickly turned and returned Vasquez’s thumbs-up. 

Sam gave a warning knock on the door before entering Olivia’s room. Fredrick stood clumsily to greet the social worker, Olivia watching the interaction with careful eyes. Knowing his place, Fredrick slipped out of the room with a grim smile to Sam. 

“Olivia, hi.” The man said softly, taking a seat in the chair Fredrick had left. Sam stayed standing, acting as a silent moderator, ready to step in if need be. “My name is Leo, and I’m here to ask a couple of questions, if that’s alright with you.” Olivia shifted on the bed, pulling herself to a sitting position and folding her arms.

“I mean, sure... but why?” She asked conversationally with a shrug of the shoulders. Sam frowned, not used to this causal display Olivia was putting on. Leo smiled seriously. 

“How’d you break that leg, Liv?” He said, ignoring her question. She shrugged again and pushed some hair back that had fallen in her face. 

“Um, I fell? Fredrick already told her that.” She pointed at Sam with an accusatory finger. Leo nodded slowly, refraining from scribbling something down in his notebook. 

“Some fall.” He mused, tapping his pen on his leg. “How’d you land to do that damage?” Sam saw Olivia’s hands twitch nervously. Otherwise, her acting held together. She turned away from him to address Sam.

“Is this what you do with all your patients?” She asked, her nose scrunching with anger. “Send in the shrink or the social worker or whatever this guy is?” She looked back at Leo impatiently. “Look, I don’t know what she told you, but honestly, I fell, man. Not a big deal.” Sam didn’t react to her antagonizing comments, and Leo gave his serious smile once again. 

“Olivia, we want to help you. If that’s only treating you and getting you healthy as fast as possible, fine. But if there is anything going on, you gotta let me in the loop so I can make sure you’re safe.” He insisted, leaning forward in his chair. Sam cringed at his attempt at slang, but was relieved to see Olivia’s aggression fade.

“Nothing’s ‘going on’.” Olivia said in a relaxed manner. “Really. I don’t need your help. I fell, that’s it.” Sam dropped her chin in disappointment. The girl wasn’t going to give.

“Are you sure? I promise anything you say won’t get you in any kind of trouble.” Leo pushed, but his notebook was already closed.

“Yep.” Olivia replied, adding on a smile as an extra touch. Leo got up from the chair with a huff and went to the door.

“Okay, but don’t hesitate to change your mind.” He started to exit the room, but was held up by Sam, unmoving in the doorway, staring at Olivia. He put a careful hand on her elbow, pulling her out of her motionless state, and guided her out of the room. Fredrick was leaning against the wall in the corridor, pushing off of it as soon as the door closed.

“So?” He inquired, feeling discouraged by the look on Sam’s face and Leo’s pondering brow.

“She denied it, of course.” Sam said, working at an ache on the back of her neck with her fingers.

“Okay, and the scans?” Fredrick asked, to which Leo looked up in interest.

“What scans?” He said urgently, pushing his glasses up his bird-like nose. Sam gave her neck a final tight squeeze with a sigh.

“I asked the radiologist to look for any signs of abuse on her scans.” She explained quickly. “They didn’t come up with anything.” Fredrick shook his head bitterly, but Leo stopped hm with a palm on his shoulder.

“Now wait a minute before you both go all apocalypse now on me.” He said, and Sam wondered if the slang he used with Olivia was a reach to get her to open up to him or his true speaking voice. “This isn’t my first assignment. Kids, they don’t like talking too much, especially when they’ve been conditioned not to tell anybody about the shit going down at their place. Secondly, if an abuser has any kind of smarts, say, to run a care home, they’ll think twice before doing anything that could show up on an X-ray. This isn’t the end of the road. I’m gong to that home and I’ll check out the place.” He glanced at the digital watch on his wrist. “And I better do it now, before that staff there all decide to go off for a little lunch break. Arias, will I be able to reach you here in, say, two or three hours, closer to the former?” Sam, overwhelmed by the unexpected character emitting from a man that looked better suited behind a computer and speaking in a monotone, lagged on her response.

“Yeah... yes, yes you can. Call the hospital and ask for me, I’ll be here.”

“Good.” He said with another tight-lipped smile. “Gotta run.” He nodded briefly to Fredrick then headed off down the corridor, his long legs making him disappear in seconds. Fredrick turned to Sam, a little dazed.

“Well.” He breathed out. “I hope you don’t mind if I stay here while I wait for the news?”

“Not at all. With that guy out finding it, I hope it will be good.” Fredrick paused at that.

“And what does good news mean to you, Sam? That he’ll find evidence of abuse, or that nothing is out of the ordinary?” He asked. Sam thought about it, head down.

“At this rate, I hardly know.”

The minutes passed at an agonizingly slow pace, and Sam almost wished for a big interstate crash or an apartment fire or even a sinkhole to open up under train tracks, anything that would bring in a swarm of patients that she could lose the time to as she treated. Instead, besides the exciting morning, it was a day that proved fruitless of many who needed medical attention. That is, all for an old lady who had fallen down her front steps; a four year old with an erasure up his nose; a teenager suffering from nasty road rash after a long skid down a hill on her bike; and a middle-aged man with heat stroke. The emergency ward was quiet enough to let Sam’s thoughts circulate on other things. Spinning lazily on a a swivel chair, she groaned when two hands grabbed the back, halting her dizzying world.

“I can see that you’re getting a lot of work done.” Said a voice behind her good-naturedly. The hands let go and Sam spun in the chair, meeting Lena’s slight, lopsided smile with a frown. The smile didn’t stay long.

“What’s wrong? Where is your annoying good cheer?” She asked, leaning back against the desk, almost banging the reading glasses tucked not the side of her waistband.

“Oh, nothing. A complicated patient, that’s all.” Sam dismissed stiffly, only giving Lena more cause for curiosity. 

“…okay.” She said. “And what exactly does that mean?” 

“She’s... I don’t know, difficult? Anyways, it’s not that big of a deal. I-” Sam was cut off by the jarring ring of the phone, and her heart started pumping with anticipation. This did not go unnoticed by Lena. “I’m sorry, I have to get this. I’ll fill you in later, okay?” Lena stayed motionless for a second, watching Sam hurry to pick up the phone, the nurse not waiting for her reply and no longer paying attention to anything but the call.

“Sure.” Lena murmured to herself, more confused than ever, and walked back around the desk to head for Darwin, reminding herself to ask Kara about it the next day, doubting Sam would ‘fill her in’. Halfway through this internal dialogue, a gurney burst through the ER doors, and as Lena rushed to help, the reminder left her thoughts instantly.

Meanwhile, Sam hung up the phone and glanced toward the patient coming in. She saw Vasquez and Lena had it handled before going down the corridor to Olivia’s room. Fredrick, who had evidently taken it upon himself to be some sort of constant protector, sat in the same plastic chair as he had that morning. This time, he was gazing out the window into the cloudless summer sky. The hospital bed was empty, so Sam came through the door without knocking.

“Where is she?” She asked. Assuming he had not heard her enter, Sam was surprised when Fredrick did not jump or turn or otherwise physically acknowledge the sound of her voice.

“Restroom.” He replied without moving his eyes from the window. He sounded tired, exhausted even.

“Why don’t you step out?” Sam suggested, pushing the door back open. “Leo called.” These words made him swivel his head, and he was out of the chair and in the corridor in seconds. Sam closed the door behind her, not able to reflect his optimism. 

“Well?” He urged expectantly, either not picking up on her gloomy demeanor or refusing to believe it.

“Fredrick, he said that he has nothing.” Sam revealed, but he didn’t flinch, his energy did not fade. “Turns out Olivia’s story added up. A plank on the porch had been recently broken, an employee, Richard Yates, said she fell through it, and there was some blood on the splintered wood that’s consistent with the scratches on her leg. To top it all off, all the kids there are perfectly fine, seems like there is no evidence of any type of abuse. Leo still thinks something is going on, I do too, but it’s all circumstantial. There’s not enough to hold any of the employees for questioning, let alone convict them of a crime.” Oddly, Fredrick seemed to take the news well. It was strange, but while his hopeful expression changed drastically, he did not look sad, angry, or defeated. He looked relieved. 

“That’s good though, right?” He said after a pause. “If that social worker couldn’t find anything, perhaps nothing is going on, just as the scans show, just as Olivia says, and all those other kids.” Sam blinked at his shift in argument, not sure if she was hearing him correctly.

“What in the hell are you talking about?” Sam hissed, dumbfounded. “Haven’t we been through this? I thought we agreed that something obviously happened to Olivia.”

“No, we certainly did not!” Fredrick opposed, almost like he was talking to a child. “I agreed that we had an obligation to look into it. I agreed that it was part of your job to make sure she was okay. I never believed anything would come out of it, but, if for the small change it did, I would do the right thing. Now, we have our answer, and it’s as I expected. I knew my father would not abuse a child or let anyone else. Case closed.”

“I did not take you for one that would be small minded enough to believe that.” Sam said, low in her throat. Fredrick’s jaw clenched.

“You’ve done your job and more, Arias.” He said coldly. “Contrary to your cynical beliefs, not every person who winds up with a bruise has a tragic backstory. I’d advise you to move on, before someone takes unkindly to your excessive questions and reports your unprofessional behavior.”

“Is that a threat, Mr. Brown?”

Fredrick stared at her, his silence an answer in itself, then went back in Olivia’s room. Sam could hear him greet the girl warmly, and she stopped herself from storming in after him. His defensive words had done nothing to rattle her opinions of the care home. If anything, it only strengthened them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last of the flashback chapters, I'll provide you guys with some good Kara and Lena content next chapter. but now that I have none of the upcoming chapters prewritten, I'm going to ask a question. would you prefer smaller chapters updated more often (i.e. as I finish each scene in a chapter) or longer chapters only once a week (i.e. the full chapter with multiple scenes)? please give me your opinion in the comments, as I want to make reading this most enjoyable for everyone! thanks as always for the read!


	12. We Are What You Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: this chapter deals with what I would say is attempted self harm. attempted, so nothing happens, but I thought some of you would want to know. 
> 
> be kind to yourselves, and enjoy the chapter.

Lena made an effort to stop herself from pulling away from the gloved fingers carefully cleaning the stitched cut on her face with a disinfected swab, not because of any pain, but the overwhelming urge to leave the office in order to break the awkward silence between them. Kara had been her hesitant pick to help her with the wound, for all the people in this hospital -in her life- Lena couldn’t think of anyone else she could marginally trust to handle her in her vulnerable state. 

She could admit to herself, if not anyone else, that this was a ‘vulnerable state’. She wasn’t one to hide from things, but perhaps this once she could allow herself to be cautious in revealing herself to the rest of the world. As a first step, Kara was a good choice. Kara lowered her hands and peeled the gloves off with a snap. Lena looked up at her quickly.

“Well, aren’t you going to bandage it back up?” She asked brashly, watching as Kara put away the materials. She didn’t answer right away, taking her time clearing the counter, then sitting beside Lena on the examination table. For once, she din’t move away when their shoulders brushed. 

“Lena, if you want it to heal with as little scaring as possible and without infection, you can’t keep covering it up. The bandages keep sticking to the stitches anyways.” Kara said, keeping her eyes straight ahead, knowing Lena would not appreciate her watching for a reaction. For that, Lena was thankful. Yet it did nothing to improve the situation.

“Of course I know that.” Lena murmured. “That doesn’t mean I want to hear it. Can’t I live in denial for a bit longer or is that too much to ask?” She took out her phone from her pocket and looked at her reflection on the screen. Sensing the hint of camaraderie in Lena’s words, Kara shifted to angle herself toward her friend.

“What do you want me to say then?” She asked. “Lena Luthor’s number one rule is-”

“Don’t lie to Lena Luthor.” She cut in, even gracing the conversation with a tug of a smile on the corner of her mouth. “Yes, I’m the one who made them.” This made Kara smile too. For the first time since that day in the break room, there was a comfortable air between them. She wasn’t about to let it go to waste.

“Look, Lena. I just want to say-” 

“I don’t want to talk about Mercer Deris any more than I have to.” Lena dismissed, jumping down from the table. “It happened, it was shitty, but it’s over and nothing can be done about it except the trial.”

“I wasn’t going to talk about him.” Kara said quickly, before she had a chance to leave. Lena arched an eyebrow and leaned sideways against the wall, holding her side tenderly but waiting for her to go on.

“I…” Kara paused, trying to get her words together right, to say what she really meant. “I mean, I miss you. You haven’t let me speak to you in forever, and I get that… actually, no. I don’t get that, but that’s besides the point. I feel that -in light of recent events- we can’t afford to let our arguments keep us from being friends any longer. Looking back, I still don’t understand why it took place at all. So, truce?”

Kara put out her hand, surprised that Lena had not interrupted her in the speech, had let her speak and not jumped on the pauses. Lena looked at the hand, eyebrow still raised, then ducked her head, waving at it in dismissal. 

“Put away your goddamn manners, Kara.” She said without misgivings. “We’re still friends, not foreign ambassadors for rival countries. Hell, I don’t know what I’d do without you. And… I owe you an apology.” She held up a finger, her face getting serious. “Not for this week, you deserved any verbal abuse I gave you, but for the break room. I’m sorry.” 

Kara clasped her hands together, at loss for a viable reaction after the unexpected good fortune. “Well, I um… I’m glad, but a little freaked out by your good nature.” She finally managed to say. She felt almost giddy -light- like the pressure of her cells and that of her surroundings had reached equilibrium, like she could laugh again.

“You forget that I had a three day vacation.” Lena said, watching Kara’s physical relief happily. “And when you realize that only one person called you the entire time… it does wonders for a sense of the bigger picture.”

“But you’re hardly the one to be apologizing. I pushed you! I’m so sorry, Lena. It was out of line.”

“Yes, but only after I… got in your face like that. You were merely reacting, and I shouldn’t have held that against you.” Lena said, her voice getting quieter. Kara tilted her head, studying her friend carefully.

“Why did you? Start going off on me? I mean, I was only making coffee, humming-”

“Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas, I know.” Lena cut in with a sad smile. Kara waited expectantly for an explanation, but it never came. 

“Another time, Kara. I have patients. Thanks for your help.” Then, she left, leaving Kara even more confused than before.  
_

Although still sore, Lena’s state of mind was beginning to improve. Now that she finally had a head CT and found out she had a concussion, she at least knew why her leg gave out on her in surgery. Things were more laid out, clear to her. She couldn’t say everything was okay, but they were getting better.

Finally talking to Kara had definitely put her in better spirits. It was a relief to have a friend again in all of this. She shouldn’t have pushed her away in the first place. Kara didn’t know what that song meant to her, and she shouldn’t have treated her as if she did. Lena didn’t think she’d ever be able to tell that story. 

She touched the stitches on her face gingerly as she walked back to the cardio ward. People tried their best not to look but it was human nature. A flash of embarrassment sparked in her stomach, but she forced it away. She should not be ashamed of what had happened. And she needed to let everyone else know that she wasn’t. Squaring her shoulders, she approached the main desk. 

Right then, the elevator doors opened with a cheerful ding and Winn came wheeling out with a patient. Lena turned away from the desk right away and jogged to his side, hands gripping the bars of the gurney. 

“Doctor Luthor, good to see you again.” Winn greeted with a signature grin, talking over the head of the old man in the gurney. Lena didn’t give the patient a second glance, only walked along with them to a room.

“And you, Schott.” Lena smiled, relieved that he didn’t stare at the cut on her face or make a point of not staring. “I wanted to say thanks, again. For your help before.”

“A thanks from Lena Luthor?” Winn said in an exaggerated shocked voice. Lena helped him maneuver the gurney into an empty space in the room. “I never thought I’d see the day. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Shut up and accept it before I change my mind.” Lena chuckled.

The old man in the gurney patted Lena’s hand gently, his voice feeble as he spoke. “It’s good to feel your hands again, dear.”

Lena looked down, and her face instantly dropped at the all too familiar one looking back up at her. Those brown eyes peering through wrinkled skin. Like daggers on her soul. 

Her entire world slowed down and slipped out of focus. She stepped away from him, jerking her hand away and holding it close to her chest. The sound of blood filled her ears as panic built in her throat. 

“Lena?” Winn asked, his voice muffled and far away. She stumbled back even more, running into the doorway before righting herself. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. It was like she was a girl again, cowering in fear at the monsters.

“Lena!” Winn called out again, his concern raising.

“I’m sorry.” Lena said, her voice coming to her ears like she was underwater. Winn tried to stop her as she turned and exited the room while blinking back burning tears. He didn’t try very hard and let her go, the rest of the staff looking after her in confusion. She made it to her office and slammed the door, sinking into the couch and holding her head in her hands, fingers digging into her temples.

Nothing was going to make this go away. It would still be in her head, after the investigation, after a trial, even after Deris was hopefully in jail. Things wouldn’t just get better, it didn’t work like that. 

She knew from experience.

Lena stood up suddenly and went to her desk, scrambling in the drawer where she kept her pens before finding the small screwdriver there. She collapsed into her chair and propped her ankle up on the desk. Her breath came ragged as she held the tip of the screwdriver against her thigh, watching as the point pressed into her pants but didn’t pierce the fabric, teasingly close to the femoral artery. 

Her hands shook. Oh how easy it would be to apply just a little more pressure, let the metal sink in, become one with her blood as it trickled out. Her vision would get blurry, then fade, then descent into blackness. 

That kind of pain didn’t compare to the attack. To everything before. Ribs crushed and broken. Scared, hiding under the covers. God, she hadn’t deserved that! If she had gotten the opportunity to stay where she had belonged, she would still be… normal. It was the that place that had ruined her, left her to die and rot in the sun without a second thought. Violence and coldness and pushing things down was the only thing she had learned there. What happens to your children when the only way they can value themselves is through fear and destruction? 

Lena cried out in frustration. Wasn’t what she hated what she was? She was trying to fix everything with what those people had made her: someone that couldn’t speak out. Someone that had given up. A hypocrite, who wanted love but was too afraid to ask for it. A hypocrite that couldn’t stop contradicting herself, bound tight in an endless circle of joy and disgust. 

Which one was easier to give in to, the ignorance or the awareness? She knew the answer. She had already picked it. She had already driven away Kara and Alex and Winn and everyone else who just wanted to help. All of which left her alone in her office, staring at a screwdriver and trying not to push it into her leg while echoes from the past screamed in her ears.

Because Lena knew now that this wasn’t something she could stand to bury. The arrival of Greg Yates on her ward had proven that everything would resurface and shake themselves of the mud and demand an audience. 

Her hand tensed on the screwdriver, her teeth ground together as she forced it away from herself and threw it at the wall. It fell with a clatter and left a hole in the plaster. 

Nothing was going to make it go away, but through her foggy mind Lena knew that hurting herself more wouldn’t help. So she did what she had been so used to doing for years and years now. She stood up, and wiped the tears that had fallen down her face. 

Then, Lena blindly decided to do something she hadn’t been doing. Something that felt right but terrifying. Something reckless. Correction. Someone.

Nothing was going to make it go away. Deris or anything -everything- before. But maybe, Kara Danvers could help.


	13. Nobody's Fault But Mine- Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, but have fun with it. Wrote it in about 45 minutes because I didn't want to leave you guys hanging and it has been a week. Therefore, I have not looked over it EVEN ONCE before posting so... good luck.
> 
> The reason I don't write this too fast is because I am actually working on an original work. It's a gay ass fantasy novel that is currently sitting at about 162,000 words. This fanfic is a side project I work on when the inspiration isn't flowing for my, what I call, 'real' book. Lately, I've been having ALL the inspiration. (Though I doubt you will, if you want to know more about it, ask I guess??).
> 
> On that note, thanks for the awesome feedback of this work. I never really expected much from it, but your kind words and devoted time has made me certain that I will finish this. (Even if it takes me a while). 
> 
> Sorry for the long note here. As always, thanks for the read. 
> 
> WARNING: Depictions of self harm. Please be safe.

The stream bubbled over the rocks and wound its way around the trees and bushes and patches of moss covering the soil. It was midday, and Kara and Lena were resting from the hike they were on. When Lena had called Kara in a tear-choked voice, Kara had suggested what always made her feel better: being outside with nature and enjoying all it had to offer. It was Saturday, and they meant to spend the night out in the beautiful forested mountains before going back to the hospital and work.

The ten miles it took them to get to this little spot was spent in silence, Lena trying to work up some sort of nerve and Kara letting her. Now, both women stretched their legs as they pulled out water bottles and snacks of fruit and granola bars. They moved to the shade under a towering redwood, breathing in the dry air.

And as they sat there, Lena couldn’t bring herself to utter a word. Kara didn’t want to push her, but she also knew Lena had called her for a reason, had agreed to this hike for a reason. Probably to do with Mercer, maybe to do with something else. A certain Christmas carol. “Got anything to talk about?”

Lena was hesitant. She didn’t want to be the friend with a tragic backstory to Kara. That was behind her now. It wasn’t who she was. “The walk has been good enough, I think.”

“‘Good enough’ isn’t ideal.” Kara urged, setting down the water bottle after a long swig and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. 

“It is for me.” Lena insisted.

Kara looked at her with a smile. “I don’t know what it was like were you grew up, but I was taught that talking things out is best.”

“I just don’t want to.” Lena snapped.

Kara backed off, ducking her head and looking at the bubbling stream. “There’s no shame in what happened.”

“It’s not shame.” Lena replied. The image of her mother struggling in the waves. The screams. The place where she was taken after. Then Mercer, and therefore more pain. And now, to top it all off, Greg Yates. She couldn’t tell Kara about that. Not yet, not yet. (not ever?) “It’s me wanting to forget.”

Kara understood that. The people she had lost, and the pain in herself at that loss. Gnawing at her insides everyday with the weight of it all. She hated Fredrick Brown for what he had done to Sam, but she wouldn’t let him take away her power and happiness like he had taken Sam’s life. “You would throw away everything that has made you the person you are?”

“I will not give credit to the terrible people in my life of making me.” Lena said, her chest getting tight with the questioning. “I am who I am in spite of them.”

Kara nodded in a quiet respect, not commenting on the fact that Lena had used a plural. So it wasn’t all about Mercer, then. But she wasn’t getting her point. “A person living their whole life in the dark finds the sun more beautiful than anyone else. To deny where you come from robs you of the joy of where you are.”

Lena paused to think about it, her eyes on the ground. She knew Kara was speaking from a place of truth and love and hurt. Sometimes she forgot that the person she was leaning on was so strong yet also knew the difficulties of life. Kara held up, but where was herself? Bombarded by a past and a present that threatened to tear her down. “I seem to have ended up where I began.”

Kara took a bite out of her apple, contemplating whether she should tell her about Mercer. That he might be more than she thought. But looking at Lena now, she opted against it. The woman didn’t need anything else on her plate. She searched for the right words, and said them slowly, looking Lena right in the eye. “I’m not going to force you to tell me what is bothering you, because I know it’s more than I have knowledge of. But I’ll tell you this: Those people? They thought that inflicting horror would only bring horrendous results. You have defied that.”

Lena smiled sadly, a bit of her pain lost in those blue eyes. What did she ever do to deserve someone like Kara? A true… friend. “You always know what to say.”

-

Kara awoke with the crack of thunder across the sky. They had pitched their tent under the shelter of two boulders leaning together. It was a dark night on account of the storm clouds obscuring the moon and the bright stars. Only brief flashes of lightning illuminated the sky. Laying comfortably in the little tent, Kara curled up in her blankets against the gust of wind coming through the cave-like area. Trees creaked and rain pattered on wide leaves and thunder boomed. But there was another sound underneath all of that. Something sharp and wet. An exhale of breath not one foot from her.

Picking up her head in curiosity since she knew falling asleep again would be near impossible in this weather, at first the other side of the tent was bathed in shadow. When she focused, she could only barely make out the huddled shape of what she knew to be Lena. Then, a spark of lightning shed its violent and uneven light into the tent. 

The image of Lena with a pocketknife against her leg, blood starting to seep from the begins of a cut across her thigh. The smell of fresh blood hit her nose.

Springing forward as the thunder crashed following the lightning, Kara collided with Lena, the force of the impact knocking the pocketknife out of her hand. Lena scoffed and pushed her off with a shrug of her shoulder, hand searching in the dark for the blade.

“What are you doing?!” Kara asked in a frantic whisper as another stroke of lightning spilt the sky, allowing Lena to seize the pocketknife. With the rustle of clothing, Kara could tell she was bringing it back to her thigh. 

“Stop it!” Throwing herself forward again and managed to get herself on top of her, one knee on side of her legs. Her hair hung down to brush Lena’s face and she was panting from the effort of wrestling her way on top of her. “Please, stop.”

Pausing in her action, Lena didn’t try to shove Kara off this time. Another flash of lightning ripped through the clouds. Kara was relieved to see she had not made another cut. Still, some blood soaked the woman’s pants and she could feel some of the warm fluid on her own leg from forcing herself into the scene.

“Why are you doing this?” Kara scolded, her hot breath warm on Lena’s face with how close they were.

Kara’s lips parted in shock as she watched the expression on Lena’s face crumble. Her nose scrunched up and her eyes squinted and her lips trembled and suddenly she was crying. Soft and quiet, but crying all the same. 

“It’s different for you, Kara.” She shook her head, not able to meet her eyes, brows furrowed.

“How? What’s different?”

“What life has dealt you, it wasn’t your fault! Everything that happened in mine was my own. There is shame there. There is shame and death and pain and-” the limited control she had over her emotions broke. The quiet tears turned into sobs, her voice getting rough and from deep in her throat. She closed her forearms around her face and hid behind them. “I can’t look at it anymore! I can’t do it anymore. I- I’m afraid that I don’t know how to fight it. I can’t be this anymore.”

Kara was taken aback. She wanted so badly to ask what on earth she was talking about. That wouldn’t be what was best though. She had done that once to her, in the locker room after Mercer’s attack. She wouldn’t do it again. Instead, she held Lena’s wrists and pulled her arms apart. She ducked her head, trying to get her to meet her eyes. It took some time, but finally Lena ventured her watery gaze up. The lightning came again. The rain poured. “What do you want to be?”

“Better.” She forced out from behind her teeth with a shaky vulnerability.

“Is this being better?” Kara asked, the question phrased as a command as she shook her arms in her grasp. 

“It will rid me of the things that make me worse.” Lena said, truly believing it. She still held the pocketknife tightly, but it was no longer pointed at her thigh. The point angled down and it scratched Kara lightly on her knee.

“No, it won’t!” Kara felt her chest grow tight with emotion. “I was broken after Sam died, and I am now as healed as I’ll ever be. But I am both of those things and I can’t change that. You told me that. You are…”

“A victim,” Lena rambled in a weak voice, “weak, a hypocrite, so fucking inadequate-”

“If you end your life now, that’s all you will be.”

The warm weight of Kara on her lap served to calm her. The feeling of her breath making her chest rise and fall in a comforting cycle. Lena released the pocketknife from her hand by loosening one finger at a time. It thumped on the ground and Kara kicked it away with a nudge from her foot. Lena dropped her head forward and leaned her forehead against Kara’s, who accepted and returned the gesture. “Can you help me?”

The woman in front of Kara, the one she was seeing right now, was no victim. There was a profound strength and vulnerably that had been buried under so much. Kara refused to ‘fix’ someone. But to help them crawl up from out of that hole? Who would she be if she didn’t throw her a rope? “I’ve put up with you this long.” The thunder cracked.


	14. Nobody's Fault But Mine Part Two AKA Sleep Well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long ass wait on this chapter. shit happened, broke a rib. concussions also hurt. thanks for sticking around and for the read.

Lena looked at the file on her desk, her hands flat on the surface with her fingers spread out wide. The glass was cold under them. She let out a breath that was supposed to be calm. Kara had helped, with her words and her damn heroic acts. 

So this is who came into the ward. Greg Yates. Someone different than Lena might want to let someone else do his surgery. But when she gathered her senses, it was her head overruling her heart.

Let’s be logical about this, she thought, so what if he’s Greg Yates? It shocked me, after seeing him again after all these years. But he’s just another patient. I’ll treat him and get him up to elderly care. I’ll rather be in control of this situation. So what if he recognizes me? I’m not running away from that man again. He has to live with what he did every day of his life. And now he’s in a hospital. Karma comes back to bite dirty old men. Take something from that. I am here to do my job. Get him off the ward as soon as possible, make it like it never happened. 

Just as she let out a more steady breath, there was a knock on the office door and Kara’s head popped in. Her face held a gentle smile and her hand a cardboard box smelling of fresh donuts. 

“Kara, you life saver.” Lena sighed, the sight of the blonde woman doing wonders for her. Kara blushed sheepishly and walked in, placing the box on her desk. 

“I trust you still like donuts?”

“Well…” Lena dragged the word, reaching into the box with a sly grin. “I am human.”

Kara took a donut as well, taking a large bite before holding up the papers that were in her other hand. “Winn got the results back for Mr. Yates, I told him I’d bring it in to you. Lung and chest x-rays are clear, just some heavy bruising.”

“Bruising?” Lena asked, thinking at he had just come in for a routine heart attack. She realized that she hadn’t even opened the file that she had been staring at, closed on her desk.

“Yeah, he was brought in because someone mugged him. Didn’t you know?” At Kara’s words, Lena felt a sick sense of satisfaction. Karma indeed. But now was not the time for that. She took a bite of her donut and got to business.

“Head CT?” Lena asked.

“Shows no signs of infraction. Any early confusion is probably due to a mild concussion. He’s lucid now.” Kara said through her donut.

“Good. Course of treatment?”

“Keep him monitored, treat him with gtn 50.”

“Very good.” Lena said, then chewed on her lip. There was Kara, standing so ready and willing right in front of her. She had said she would help her. Perhaps this was the first thing she could do for her. “Do you mind taking this case with me?”

Kara smiled, wiping her mouth of powered sugar. It felt good to finally be working with her best friend again. “Not at all.”

“Thanks.” Lena said, watching as Kara left. As the door closed, she closed her eyes and took another bite of her donut.

He’s lucid. But so am I. Let’s keep it that way.

__

Lena stood outside the door to Yates’s room for few minutes before she walked in, gathering her courage, remembering what she told herself in her office. Finally, she pushed her feet forward and approached his bed. When he looked up at her, there was no glint of recognition. “Mr. Yates, I am Doctor Luthor. I’ll be your consultant today.”

When he spoke, his voice grumbled like an old man’s. It sounded strange coming from his lips, when she remembered a much younger one. One much less gentle and strong than this. “Ah, you’ll be the boss lady Doctor Schott told me about.”

Lena flashed him a tight-lipped smile. It made her skin itch. “Do you keep fit, Mr. Yates?”

“Just dog walking. My daughter bought me a puppy two years ago. Keeps me on my toes.”

Great he had a puppy. No one deserved one more. “Well, all your blood tests came back within normal levels. You did suffer a mild heart issue, but that should be resolved with treatment and bed rest.”

“I’ll be alright?” He asked in relief, a warm expression on his face that almost turned her stomach. 

“In time.” How could he be like this? So different than those so many years ago. People didn’t change like this. Her eyes narrowed. Maybe it wasn’t a mugging at all. Maybe someone was paying him back for everything he had done. “Do you remember what happened at all?”

“An average mugging. Some hoodlum kid.” He shrugged.

Or not. “Did he say anything to you?”

“It was all over in a heartbeat. One minute I was walking Chip -thats my dog. You get so attached to them, don’t you? The thought of anything happening to him…”

Lena’s hands clenched in disgust. God, he cared more about a dog than he ever had for her and all the others. She wondered if he ever had a hint of that affection for the children he was supposed to protect. She had to get out of here. “Yes, well, the police would like to see you when I’ve given you the all clear.” Turning, she hurriedly attempted to escape the room. His voice stopped her in her tracks.

“Excuse me for asking, but… do I know you from somewhere?”

Lena let out a breath and turned slowly, looking him steadily in the eye, trying to act casual. “Have you ever been admitted with heart problems before?”

“Never.” He said with a furrowed brow.

“Then I very much doubt our paths have crossed.” Lena said quickly, leaving the room before he could ask more questions and retreating to her office. She glanced at the hole in the wall where she had thrown the screwdriver. The small gash on her leg throbbed uneasily. 

She was okay. It was all okay, and would be over soon. Lena picked up the donut box from her desk. Maybe another shared treat with Kara would calm her nerves for the time being. 

__

As Lena navigated the hallways of National City Hospital with donut box in hand, trying to find Kara Danvers, it was someone else that found her first. “Doctor Luthor, I’m bogged down with Zor-el’s red tape and you pass on your morning list on to me?”

“I’ve got stuff to do.” Lena said dismissively to Winn, not even slowing her walk.

“You call Greg Yates’s case ‘stuff to do’?” Winn scoffed.

“He’s my patient.” 

Winn chuckled, not sure whether to be confused or angry. The Luthor had been acting odd lately, but it was no surprise. But he would rather not have all her busy work pushed on him. He was here for her, but he wasn’t her servant. “There’s absolutely no reason for you to be treating him.”

Lena sighed and clenched the donut box tighter. There was a reason, but she had no intention to tell Winn Schott. He was already pitying her too much anyways. Damn, she had almost forgotten about Mercer. Almost. Her injuries still smarted enough to remind her, not to mention the nice little scar that stuck stubbornly to her cheek. This was too much to keep track off. All the more reason to go find Kara. “Look, he’s an… old family friend. With a fear of all thing medical. He trusts me as a consultant, not some wet behind the ears-”

“Uh, I’m standing right in front of you.” Winn interrupted indignantly. 

Lena rolled her eyes at him. “Once he’s discharged you’ll be free, I promise.” Then, she left him standing in the hallway.

“Well, that showed her.” He grumbled before running off to start a batch of paperwork she had given him. 

__

Kara didn’t want to ask Lena why she wanted help on this case. It was simple, something she should have been able to handle by herself. But there was a lot of things Kara was afraid to ask lately, and a lot of things she didn’t understand. She had learned a long time ago that with Lena, it was best to just be there for her instead of trying insert yourself in the situation. She would ask for help if she really needed it. And she already had once. Kara doubted that it was a coincidence that Lena had happened to hurt herself at that particular time on that backpacking trip. 

So, at least Lena was here now, when something was obviously bothering her. She had sought Kara out and there where both sitting in the break room, legs touching on the couch as they finished up the donuts. Lena hadn’t said much, only sitting in comfortable silence. Kara decided to try to distract her from whatever was on her mind with work talk. “You might want to put Yates’s transfer on ice. A nurse just saw him napping, and apparently he’s been drifting in and out. I’m also concerned about his circulation. They tell me he hands are very very cold.”

Lena looked up sharply, her expression impossible to read. Kara knew it was the wrong thing to say when she stood up and wiped crumbs from her shirt, heading towards the door. “Okay, let’s do a platelet count just to be on the safe side and repeat the scans.”

Kara could only watch her go sadly. Then, her phone rang in her pocket. She answered without looking at the caller ID.

“Is this Doctor Danvers at National City Hospital?”

“That’s me.” 

“This is Detective Sawyer.”

Kara pulled the phone away from her and saw that the caller ID did in fact say her name. “Maggie! I didn’t recognize your voice. Why do you call?”

“You requested Sam Arias’s case file?”

Kara’s chest flooded with mixed feelings of anxiety and relief. “Yes, I did.”

“I have it here with me. Do you want to come pick it up?”

“I’ll be there soon.” Kara said, then ended the call. She followed Lena out of the door, heading towards her locker for her coat. 

__

Kara was adjusting her scarf on her neck, walking through the cardio ward and with her feet itching to get in the car. Yates’s results were held in front of her and she was about to hand them to a nurse to give to Lena when she heard a monitor going off. Dropping her purse on the circulation desk, she ran to the room where Greg Yates was and started compressions. “Can I have some help in here please?” She yelled out as she went to his side. Lena and two nurses came rushing in. “He’s gone into VF. I got the test results back. The platelets were low and I was checking the infusion.”

Lena glanced at Kara’s clothes, noticing that she had been on her way out. She wouldn’t be going anywhere now. She turned to one of the nurses. “Okay, let’s get a crash cart.”

The nurse ran out and grabbed one from the hallway while the other read the monitor and got it ready. “B.P.’s dropping, 60 over 30. His last reading was around 120 over 80. Charging.”

“I got a fresh chest CT scan like you asked.” Kara handed Lena the scans in-between compressions. Lena backed away from the bed, analyzing them with focused eyes.

“Clear!” Yelled the nurse. Kara stepped back and Yates’s body jerked with the electrical shock. The monitor started beeping normally again.

Kara sighed, shaking out her tired arms. “He’s back in sinus. ECG and ECHO came back fine. What is causing this?”

Lena slapped the scans down on the bedside table in frustration. “The chest cavity is full of blood. Prep him for emergency surgery.” She walked out of the room, going to scrub in.

Kara unwound the scarf from around her neck and threw them on the desk along with her purse. She turned to the nurse behind the desk. Sam’s case file was waiting for her, but it would have to wait longer. But she had told Maggie she would be over. “Call my sister for me. Tell her to go to the 99th precinct to pick up something for me from a Detective Maggie Sawyer.”

“Right on it, Doctor Danvers.” The nurse nodded picking up the phone. Kara thanked her and left to scrub in.

It looked like she was finally going to figure out what happened to Sam. After surgery.

__

It was now dark outside the windows of National City Hospital. Lena stood at the foot of Greg Yates’s bed in his room. It was after surgery, and he had made it just fine. Too bad. He was asleep, and she couldn’t bring herself to look away from him. She had made a decision. That she was not going to let him affect her any longer. It stopped here. She had too much on her plate for him and her past to be a distraction. 

A moan of discomfort sounded from the bed. Lena was pulled away from her thought as Yates’s eyes fluttered open. “What…” he paused, licking his lips, throat dry. Lena did not offer him a drink of his water. “What happened to me?”

Her voice was incredibly steady and cold when she spoke, and for the first time, she wasn’t faking it. “You suffered a hemothorax. Blood was pouring into your chest cavity, suffocating your heart.

A look of horror crossed his face. “Did I… did I nearly die?”

“You actually were dead. For a short period of time.” It took everything Lena had not to smirk snuggly at him. He whimpered with the news. 

“How can I ever thank you?” He asked desperately. A beat of silence paused between them, where Lena raised her eyebrow dangerously. His monitor began to speed up, almost imperceptibly, but still there. 

“Do you want to know where you remember me from?” Lena said aloofly, as if she had not a care in the world, circling around his bed to get closer to him. The monitor got faster, and his eyes widen. Oh, maybe he did. 

“You and Brown.” She hissed out at him, arms crossed, right by his side. He started to breath heavily, recognition dawning in his face as well as… humiliation? His gaze dropped, unable to look her in the eye. “All the suffering you caused those young girls. You caused me.”

The heart monitor was now beeping rapidly, and she rolled her eyes as she looked at it. Another whimper escaped him. She furrowed her brow in mock concern. 

“Try to relax.” Voice dripping in disdain, reaching out to massage his carotid artery. He was almost shaking. The smirk left her, but she wasn’t trying to hold it back anymore. “Take some deep breaths.” 

Sweat appeared on his face, the whites of his eyes bright as she tilted her head and frowned at him condescendingly. “We don’t want to undo all our hard work now, do we?”

His heart beat slowed, and his eyes closed with the carotid massage doing its trick. Lena looked down at him, a sense of power flowing into her. “Good. Sleep well, Mr. Yates.” 

As she left the room, the feeling of his eyes on her back didn’t bother her as much. She shut the door quietly, stopping right outside. She looked down at her hands, but they weren’t shaking at all. Her eyes grew blurry, as she thought back to the past, but she shook it away.

Now, Lena believed she could leave that where it belonged. Behind her.


	15. We Are What We Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead. life has been crazy, sorry for the long ass wait. I also didn't edit this at all so enjoy

It would be bold to say that when Alex stepped out of the elevator doors into the 99th precinct and saw Detective Sawyer throwing a cheeseball up in the air to catch it in her mouth she fell a little bit in love. But Alex was a bold type of person, so she had no problem thinking it as the Detective caught her eye with a smile and stood up, brushing cheesy crumbs from her shirt. When Alex had first made her acquaintance, it was not a time to linger on things like her flashing smile and wavy hair and soft eyes and -oh god this wasn’t good. She was here to run an errand for Kara, a confusing one at that. Not crush on a beautiful detective.

“Doctor Danvers,” Maggie greeted, extending a hand. Her skin was smooth under Alex’s palm. “The older sister, I assume. Not that you look old, but you have that look.”

“What look?” Alex asked, hating the blush she knew was spreading on her cheeks.

The blush did not go unnoticed. Maggie made a mental note to bring it up later, when the circumstances weren’t quite so dreary. The blushing doctor was coming here to pick up the case file of her sister’s dead girlfriend. “The one that comes along with putting up with a lively little sister.”

Alex smiled. “Some days it’s putting up, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

“You’re here for the file?”

A confused look passed Alex’s face, and dread set into Maggie. “I’m here for something, that’s all I know.”

“She didn’t tell you?” Maggie asked. Fuck Kara, thanks for making it easy on me here. “Kara’s looking through Sam Arias’s case file.”

Alex’s heart sank. Nothing could ever go right these days. Sam, Lena. It was getting to be a whole mess. “Why is she doing this?”

“It’s normal.” Maggie said, handing the file over to her and resting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “But she’ll need someone during this.”

Alex looked at the hand, feeling the comfort in it. She looked Maggie in her eyes, warm and brown. “I’m always there for her.”

Maggie squeezed her shoulder. “You’re a good sister.”

__

Kara opened her locker to hang up her lab coat after a long day of working with cultures in the research lab. Inside the metal space was a thick file full of papers and sticky notes and photos with their corners sticking out. Pasted on the front was a bright blue post-it with Alex’s handwriting. There was only one sentence on it. Are you sure you want to be doing this?

Kara put on her winter coat, eying the file as she got ready to leave. Picking it up would make it real. She knew as soon as she opened it, she wouldn’t be able to stop until she had answers. When Sam had died, Kara hadn’t wanted to know anything about her murderer. She didn’t care about him or whatever motives he had. It wouldn’t help, knowing that. Sam would still be dead, and he would have still been the one that shot her in a dark stairwell. Giving a voice to his life was almost like building him a legacy, and Kara resented him too much for that. 

So, what was different now? Why did she have to know? She didn’t understand it herself. If Alex came in here right now and asked these questions, she wouldn’t be able to answer. All she knew was that she felt there was something important underneath it that needed to be discovered. Are you sure you want to be doing this? Alex knew her well. Her hand reached for the file. Why keep pretending that she wouldn’t look? She knew as soon as Mercer introduced himself as Sam’s brother.

Kara grabbed the file and went out the door, peeling Alex’s post-it off and dropping it in the recycling on the way out. Are you sure you want to be doing this? No, but she was doing it anyway.

Kara sat at the island in the kitchen, staring at the documents spread haphazardly over the surface. Some of the photos were face-down. The ones from the crime scene. Sam’s body on the ground. She had only looked at them long enough to flip them over, out of sight but not out of mind. Besides, that wasn’t what she was interested in. It was the other person found at the scene, having delivered a bullet to his own head. 

The mysterious Fredrick Brown. The man the police believed was Sam’s friend. That is, up until her shot her. Why had the police not dug further on that?

She picked up the document that showed the call of Sam’s phone. The regular calls to Fredrick Brown were highlighted. She had called him as much as Kara. There was a grainy security camera photo of the two of them at the hospital cafe, sitting across from each other at a table. Brown was smiling. 

Sam had never talked to Kara about Fredrick, but the name ‘Brown’ wanted to ring recognition in her head. Sam had mentioned that name once. A patient, a nurse? No, wait. Someone had brought in a girl with a broken leg. Olivia. Kara remembered this vaguely in the sleepless night Sam suffered through after, worried for her. Sam suspected the care home Olivia lived in was not treating the children well, but hadn’t been able to get proof. 

How was Brown connected to that? Why did he bring her in? Did he work at the care home? Kara shifted through the documents, piling up what she could find on him. Autopsy, bank statements, address, family, job, everything else. He was a construction worker, but his father ran a care home. She almost missed it, a tiny sentence in a multitude of papers. Daniel Brown, head of the Carmich Trust Care Home. 

Kara opened her laptop and did a quick google search, clicking on the first link that was provided. It was the website of the Trust. The home page featured a collage of group pictures of smiling kids in front of a large brick house. The photos looked to be showing the years the home had been running, starting more than forty years back. 

Kara clicked the menu and went down to the tab that read ‘employees’. The first in the list was a headshot of Daniel Brown, an old man with a toothy grin. The rest of the employees didn’t have pictures by their names and positions. She scrolled aimlessly to the bottom when another name caught her eye. She blinked, her skin going cold. But there it was, typed out in front of her. 

Kara pressed the back button and began looking through the photos from the home page. She stopped on one from many years ago. Saw a little girl with dark hair and green eyes and a somber smile. Her heart stopped in her chest.

She scrambled for her phone and called Detective Sawyer on her personal number. The wait seemed like hours before she picked up. 

“Kara, I thought I would be hearing from you. But if you have questions about the case, I would call the lead detective, not me.”

“Is it possible for me to contact Mercer? Is his number on file and can you give it to me?” Kara rushed out, not liking how shaky her voice sounded.

Maggie paused, her words hesitant. “What is this about?”

“I need to ask him some questions about his sister.” Kara said, not wanting to explain herself. She needed answers. 

“The police report is public record, so you can have it. But Kara? Take care of yourself, okay.”

“Thanks, Maggie.” Kara hung up quickly, clicking on the phone number Maggie sent through a text message. She drummed her fingers on the table as it began to ring.

The ring clicked off. Kara spit out his name. “Mercer.”

“Who is this?” His gruff voice sounded through the line.

“Kara Danvers.”

Mercer laughed. “Oh, well. Look who-”

“Shut up. I want to keep this brief.” Kara interrupted, her blood boiling again just talking to him. “Why did you attack Lena?”

Mercer sighed before answering in a monotone. “She was flirting-”

“No, tell the truth.” Kara interrupted again.

There was silence on the other end for a moment, but when he spoke again the words were lined with hatred. “Lena was the reason Sam even met Fredrick. If it wasn’t for her, she wouldn’t be dead!”

“You’re wrong. Sam met Fredrick because he brought in a patient. Lena had nothing to do with it.”

“Oh, so it was a coincidence that the son of the man that ran the care home Lena Luthor went to killed her best friend?”

Kara’s breath caught in her throat. So he had figured it out too. Lena had been keeping this secret so long. How could she have not known? Was she that bad of a friend? “Sam didn’t know that. No one knew.” She hung up before he could say anything.

Kara looked at the website page again, and the name that confronted her on the screen. The name that connected it all. Greg ‘Richard’ Yates.


	16. In the Midnight Hour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! this chapter has a slightly different style to it, but I hope you enjoy. prepare for confrontation next chapter :)  
ps. since I love getting feedback that helps my writing, if you would like to, please comment your favorite chapter so far and why it's your favorite! thanks!

THE DAY OF THE SHOOTING

The morning sunlight weakly poured through the windows of the hospital cafe. Sam sat at a table, half of a sandwich sitting in front of her. Fredrick Brown folded his hands on the table across from her. The skin on his knuckles was cracked. The coffee in front of him had turned cold.

Multiple phone calls had led up to this moment. Phone calls where Fredrick wavered between threatening to report her and threatening to do more. Her favorite was when he told her he would have a restraining order filed against her. Finally, he had agreed to talk in person. From the look on his face now, she was readying for more threats.

Sam hadn’t told Kara anything about this. Or Lena or Alex or Winn. It seemed too much of a burden to put on them. There was also something private about it that she couldn’t explain. She wanted to be able to go to her friends after it was all over and announce her victory, not force them to worry and struggle with her. Kara would say that it was her job to struggle with her, but Sam couldn’t do it. Every time Kara asked what was keeping her up, she would tell her about Olivia, but not Fredrick or her further amateur investigation of the Carmich Care Home. 

“You told me that you would stop pushing me if I met with you. Here I am.” Fredrick said, his fingers tapping on the table. “Now, I would ask what you want but I already know that.”

Sam could not believe the man in front of her. His cool disregard for what was right, his bitter mouth pinched tightly around his polite words. “Yes, you do.”

“I’ve already told you multiple times that you have nothing to worry about. And honestly, this is going way past your duty of care.” He pointed an accusatory finger at her, brows furrowed. “I could get you fired.”

Sam chuckled, then leaned forward, her face deadly serious. “One word to my bosses about how you want me to stop looking into a place where I believe that children are being abused, the police would be notified.”

Fredrick’s eye twitched as the blood drained from his face. He sat back in his chair like the wind had been knocked out of him. He quickly recovered, the color beginning to seep back into his cheeks. “You are not to get the police involved.”

“Why?” Sam smiled, liking his reaction. He should be scared. “If everything is okay as you say, it won’t be a problem.”

“My father could loss his job. I won’t do that to him.” Fredrick stood up from the table, taking his coffee in hand and pushing in his chair.

“You know, don’t you?” Sam said, shaking her head. “You’ve seen it.”

He paused before his answer. “No.”

Sam wanted to spring out of her chair and leap on him from the anger that stirred inside of her. “That day you brought Olivia in. You saw it happen. How did she really break her leg?”

Fredrick looked at her for a moment, his face turning hard. He sipped his coffee. “I did what you asked. I met with you. Now stop bothering me.” 

“I’ll be bringing this to the police at the end of the day.” Sam warned, crossing her arms and glaring at him defiantly. He only took another sip and walked away, pitching his half-full cup in the trash as he left.

_

Sam sat on the couch in one of the hospital’s break rooms. The tv was on a low volume and Kara was asleep with her head on Sam’s lap. Sam’s phone, sitting face down on the table besides her, was on silent. It buzzed with an incoming call. Sam picked it up, frowning at the name on the screen. 

He called her every now and then to gloat about something or ask to meet up. Every time, she would reject him. She didn’t have the option of not picking up the phone, because that would just mean he would keep calling until she did. She didn’t know how many times she had blocked his number and he would call with a new one. She had submitted to putting his name in her contacts and enduring the infrequent calls. Sighing, she picked it up and pressed answer.

“Mercer, what do you want?” Sam snapped into the phone in a whisper, careful not to wake Kara. 

“Ouch, why the attitude?” Mercer chuckled. “I only want to talk to my baby sister.”

“I don’t want to talk to you. You should know that by now. Leave me alone.”

“I see you’re getting married. Looks like a nice girl. When is my invite arriving?”

Sam looked down at Kara on her lap and began running her fingers through her hair. She would never let her know of her brother. “You aren’t invited. How’d you find out about it anyways? My social media profiles are private.”

“I have friends, Sam. I don’t live in a safe little bubble, and neither do you.”

At that moment, the door to the break room opened and Lena Luthor walked in, heading towards the fridge. Sam smiled at her and pointed to the slumbering Kara, putting a finger to her lips. Lena shook her head in amusement, but didn’t say anything. Her eyes softened at the sight of the blonde.

Sam lowered her voice, but she knew Lena would hear her in the quiet room. “Is that why you called me? To make me feel guilty? Because it’s not going to work. You revoked to right for pity and compassion a long time ago.”

Lena narrowed her eyes at the harsh words. On the other end of the phone, Mercer scoffed. “What, are you still hung up about what that girl said happened at the frat party? It was college, she wanted it.”

Sam could feel her blood boil at the words. He just didn’t get it, did he? “Yes, of course I’m still ‘hung up’ on it.”

Lena, anxious at Sam’s tight face and fingers gripping tightly on her phone, put her food in the microwave and leaned over the back of the couch. She pointed at the phone and whispered discreetly with a serious stare, “You want me to get you out of this call?”

Sam flashed a smile at her, shaking her head. “No, Lena it’s alright.” Lena nodded and went back to the microwave, but kept an ear open.

“Lena? That woman in all those pictures of your friends? She’s a pretty one.”

Sam grimaced at his tone. God, why did she have to be born into the same family as this man? “Look, stay away from me, my family, and my friends. If you dare to show up to the wedding there will be consequences.”

“Oh, I’m scared. Tell Kara and Lena ‘bye’ for me.”

Sam huffed and ended the call. Lena raised an eyebrow as she took her food out of the microwave. “That sounded intense. Anything I can help with? I’ve dealt with my fair share of assholes.”

Sam could only shake her head again. “Sadly, no. But thanks.”

“Anytime.” Lena headed towards the door, eying the sleeping Kara. “Have fun trying to move. She’s like a cat. Once she has chosen you…”

“It’s illegal to get up, I know.” As Lena left with her heated meal to eat in her office as she was doing paperwork, she rolled her eyes. This would be the last conversation that the two friends would ever have.

_

The gun was slippery under his fingers, the sweat from his palms coating the surface. He watched her open the door to the stairwell and head down. He slipped into the elevator and rode it to the basement. It was where the parking garage was and where she was headed. The doors opened to a dimly lit concrete hallway. 

He could hear her voice echoing in the stairwell, maybe one or two floors above him. He walked to the bottom of the stairs, the space glowing red from the exit sign. He stood in a shadowy corner, his hands shaking. This was stupid. What was he thinking! He should just leave. Yes, his father would get fired, perhaps serve jail time, but that would be better than shooting her. 

He only planned to get her in the shoulder. A warning shot that wouldn’t kill her. That would shut her up. Except wait, no. There would be questions, and police, and a lot of attention he didn’t want. Stupid, stupid, stupid. The sweat poured down his face and he made a move to leave. But then there she was, right in front of him.

Her hand tightened on her purse as he stepped out of the shadow. “What are you doing here?”

The gun went up and he fired. Instead of hitting her shoulder, a hole burst open between her eyes. She dropped like a sack of flour, tumbling down the rest of the stairs. He took one look at her staring, lifeless eyes before turning on his heel and running down the concrete hallway. 

There was a door to a supply closet and he fumbled it open, his throat closed into a straw and tears pouring from his eyes. Stupid! Stupid! He looked at the gun. He tasted the metal in his mouth. His last words were an apology, muffled around the barrel of the gun. The shot rang out.


	17. Now That I'm Older

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, two chapters in the span of a few days? who am I? get ready for an ANGSTY chapter.  
TW: mentions and descriptions (not detailed) of abuse

Kara sat in her sun soaked living room. The documents were neatly placed back in the file and she held it tightly in her hands. Ten minutes ago she had texted Lena inviting her over. For those ten minutes she had stared tensely at the front door, anticipation growing like a prickling fire in her stomach.

Events that were once separate now spun together like a tapestry that only the insane could weave. Mercer Darias, Sam’s death, Lena’s odd behavior. It all led back to one place: the Carmich care home. The son of the man who was the head of the home had killed Sam for looking into the abuse. Lena Luthor was attacked because Sam’s brother found out she went to the very same care home Sam was looking into, and he thought she was doing it for Lena. The extra stress and troubles that Lena had eluded to on the camping trip, the night Kara woke up to the sight of blood, was because of Daniel Brown. Who was the father of Fredrick. And so on and so on, around and around in a mind-bending loop. 

So what did Kara do, when she finds out secrets of her best friend that she couldn’t protect her from? When those very secrets, full of pain, only serve to add more pain to her life? She calls her over to talk about it. Lena wasn’t even here yet, and Kara wanted it done. 

Her knock came at the door. Light but not timid. Kara unfolded her legs from under her, setting the file down on the coffee table and going to open the door. Lena, all sharp lines and cool demeanor, stood on the other side. She hadn’t bothered to put on make up or any fancy clothes, so the result was sweatpants, hair down and wavy, and the sight of the cut on her cheekbone, now a fresh raised scar. 

Lena took one took at the apprehension on Kara’s face and tensed up. She wished she didn’t do that every time. Hadn’t she made the decision on their camping trip to let Kara help her? She forced herself to relax as she stepped into Kara’s sunny apartment. 

Kara put a glass of lemonade in her hand, and for the first time her lips were not stretched into a signature smile. “Lena, I’m glad you could come. It seems likes forever since we last hung out here.”

Lena rolled her eyes and settled on to the couch, sipping her lemonade before setting it down on a coaster on the coffee table. The nondescript file did not go unnoticed. “Kara, we had game night last week.”

“I know, but that was with Alex and Winn and Alura. It’s been awhile since it’s just been…us.” Kara sat with her legs folded and facing Lena on the couch. Her eyes glanced toward the file, but didn’t move to pick it up. Lena looked at her carefully, seeing in the scrunch of her eyebrows that she was terribly nervous, on the edge of being upset. 

“I still don’t remember when we first started inviting Alura.” Lena said slowly, knowing after these pleasantries something hard was coming. She put a pillow on her lap in an unconscious effort of comfort. “Seems weird to have game night with your boss, but I’m glad we did." 

Kara sighed, fiddling with her glasses. Again, she looked to the file. again, she made no move for it. She looked down at her fingers in her lap, and when she looked back up at Lena, her face was torn. “Lena, I need to talk to you about something.”

“Who’s file is that?” Lena asked, her impatience with it’s ominous placement bubbling over.

Kara sighed and grabbed it, holding it close to her chest but not even glancing inside. She knew what was in there already and didn’t want to look at it again. “Sam’s. I started looking into her death more after…” Kara paused, biting her lip, but went on at Lena’s anxious look. “…after something Mercer Darias told me.”

Lena’s breath got caught in her throat at the mention of his dumb name. It was the last thing she expected in context with Sam. “What are you talking about?”

“That day, when he was in the hospital after he attacked you-”

“Kara,” Lena interrupted, moving to get up from the couch. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

Kara reached out and grabbed her by the arm, stopping her. “He’s Sam’s brother.”

The statement made her sit back down. “Sam doesn’t have a brother.”

“She does. She never told us.” Kara looked away, out the window at the clouds skittering across the sky. Her eyes were watery. “Never told me. They were on bad terms.”

“He wanted to be invited to your wedding.” Lena said slowly, remembering that phone call Sam took that day in the break room. They day she would die, without anyone looking. It seemed unreal to her, yet she accepted it. Sam’s fucking brother. “I heard her having an argument on the phone with someone. It was him, I’m sure of it.”

Kara could see the flighty look in Lena’s eyes. “Will you stay and listen to what I have to say?”

Lena didn’t say anything, to her, but raised an eyebrow to indicate that Kara could go on. Her heart was pounding in her chest.

“He attacked you because he thought it was your fault that Sam was murdered.”

“What?” Lena breathed out, blinking rapidly. How could it be her fault? It was a stranger, a man that hid behind the bullet he put in his own head.

Kara winced inwardly at the words she was about to reveal to the air. “Sam was killed by the son of the man who ran the Carmich Care Home.” 

A shiver starting from her chest ran across Lena’s whole body. For an instant, her stomach dropped like she was falling from a terrible height. Mud choked her throat and poured in her veins. She knew. Oh, she knew. It was telling in the way she said it, the way she was looking at her now. And she found out through this file, not through Lena. Maybe if she would have told her she could have controlled this situation. But Lena had been taught long ago not to go spilling dirty secrets. 

“He must of stalked her social media and found us, and then found out everything about us. How you lived there for ten years.” Kara licked her lips, finally releasing the file from her protective grasp and handing it over to Lena, who took it with too-steady hands. “And the abuse that went on there.”

Lena opened the file, and saw more than the reports of Sam’s murder. She saw Kara’s own little research. The lawsuit and files that were pressed against the Carmich Trust only six months ago by a girl named Olivia. The testimonies of people that came forward. One with pretty red hair, older now than Lena remembered. She had heard about the charges, of course. Before this whole Mercer thing. She had given her statement as an anonymous source, calling in to SVU on a payphone. 

Lena closed the file and put it carefully on her lap. Her eye leveled with Kara’s, a cold barrier in them. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m trying to understand.”

“Who?”

“Sam, Mercer, the whole fucked up mess.” Kara said, not liking where this was going. She couldn’t help her if she only lashed out, and it looked like that would be next. She extended a hand, putting it on top of hers. “You.”

Lena glared at Kara’s hand but did not move from underneath it. “Why?”

The expression on Kara’s face could only be described as balking. She scrambled for her words, and they came out heartfelt. “Because we’re friends and I care about you. And every time I try to get near you, you throw up these barriers. Even after you told me that you would let me help. After you asked for my help. I thought it was just who you were. If I had known about this-”

“This…” Lena pulled back her hand and shoved the file back into Kara’s lap “has nothing to do with me.”

“You were in a care home where children were routinely abused by senior members of staff. How can that not effect you?”

“I don’t let it.”

“Really? You can’t form emotional attachments, you are self destructive, often vindictive, and sometimes cruel.”

Lena crossed her arms, sneering at her. “Maybe that’s just who I am.”

“No!” Kara came close to shouting, devastated that Lena was so hostile. “I don’t accept that!”

“No, no, of course you don’t!” Lena snapped back, standing up but not leaving. “Because you share all the same traits, the only difference being you are so desperate to be seen as the good guy. It’s what makes you so pathetic.”

“You’re doing it again.” Kara began, then Lena started talking over her, both of them trying to be louder than the other. 

“Why do I even bother talking to you about this?” “You always try to push me away-” 

“I don’t care what you think,-” “-because you don’t want to confront-” 

“-I would have to care about you-” “-what happened to you as a child.”

“-and I don’t!”

Lena snatched the file from Kara’s lap and threw it across the floor, the documents scattering everywhere. There was a tense pause in the room as both of them looked at each other. Lena was the first to look away, her eyes watery. 

“I am NOT a victim of abuse.” Lena whispered as Kara dropped to her knees and gathered up the documents, stuffing them back in the file. She wanted to leave as she watched her do it, but found herself just standing there, waiting for Kara to say something else.

“You know some point, sooner or later, you are going to have to confront what happened to you. You might not have been abused, but you are scared.” Kara said, getting to her feet and pushing the file back into Lena’s hands, who took it numbly. Kara didn’t have one doubt that she was lying to her, but she was okay with that. “And when that time comes, I’ll be right here. I’m never going anywhere.”

Lena searched her face for a second, then turned and retreated out the front door. As it slammed shut, Kara sighed and let herself crumple on the couch, head in her hands. At least she had taken the file. 

_

She could see the Christmas lights strung up outside from the window of her small bedroom, the green and red light smeared from the snow on the glass. There were carolers a few buildings down, their voices carrying in the still winter night. It was Christmas Eve, and Lena was fourteen years old, staying at the Carmich Care Home. She had first arrived when she was eight years old, scared but accustomed to moving. It was her third home she had entered and claimed a place in. It was the worst place she had ever done so.

Upon seeing the old house for the first time, rolling up the short gravel drive in her caseworker’s beat-up green Sudan, Lena could feel the darkness waiting to engulf her. Consume her like something alive and feral. It would not be long before she learned that it was not the dreadful building she should be afraid of, but the inhabitants that crawled like snakes on their bellies though the creaky halls.

At arrival, with the caseworker still present, they were sickeningly sweet in niceties and politeness. The man with a balding head and trimmed nails offered his neat little hand in a handshake, introducing himself as Mr. Daniel Brown. The other, small and wiry with a mouth that stretched over too-large teeth, gave her a clumsy hug and introduced himself as Mr. Greg Yates. The three adults chatted paperwork and business as another man led her to her room. There was less fake about him, and Lena was relieved to have someone she could turn to when the others took of their masks.

Things changed quickly. The caseworker left and the children that had been playing and lounging around the home sat more rigid. Lena was visited by Brown himself, who looked at her with a mixture of cool indifference and sly appreciation. He told her the rules in that too-sweet voice of his, and when she asked a question, he slapped her. In the span of the few hours since her arrival, Lena knew what type of place this would be. She asked no more questions.

Now, six years and many bruises, scrapes, burns, nights going to bed hungry, broken bones, and shed tears later, it was Christmas Eve. The carolers were singing, and the doorknob of her room was twisting. As she turned, and saw the neat hand of Daniel Brown wrap around the doorframe, his smiling face in the open doorway, she saw something else. The girl across the hall, sixteen years old with pretty red hair, was watching with her door cracked. She met Lena’s eyes and looked down, closing the door quietly. There were tears in her eyes.

Greg Yates followed Brown into the room. She stared at them but didn’t say anything. They didn’t say anything either. Backing away, the backs of her knees hit the bed and she fell back. Numb shock spread over her like cold water as they unbuckled their belts.

It only lasted as long as it took the carolers to sing the entirety of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”.

Four years later and eighteen, after no one had listened to her complaints, even her own caseworker and the man she had thought, on that first day, would be someone that could help her, she left. Lena flipped off the building -and all those who allowed the horrors there to happen- as she turned the corner.


	18. Friends Reunited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is aight, I didnt spend a lot of time of it but I wanted to post it. not edited at all.

One week after Kara’s apartment

The scar had proved stubborn, but not as bad as it had been a week ago. It was a thin white line, raised like a decoration on her cheek bone. People hardly noticed now, but those that knew what had happened -the majority of the hospital staff- caught their eyes glancing down at it often.

Kara and Lena had not talked yet. It was hard to be mad at Kara for long though, when she genuinely cared about her and wouldn’t let one day go by without letting her know it. That didn’t mean Lena had told her the truth. She was still wrestling with that. After she treated Yates, she thought this was all behind her. To have it rear its ugly head after this closure was a slap in the face. 

Then there was the case of Mercer Darias. Besides the upsetting, complex motive. He was out on bail and had been using as many delaying tactics he could. The trial date kept getting pushed back and back. As much as she dreaded it, she wanted it over with, not a looming weight over her head.

A new surgeon has started at National City Hospital. She was a surgeon in the emergency room, and had taken to the job well. She had enough tact not to ask Lena what had happened to her face. Lena had no doubt that she had figured it out anyways. As Lena entered the hospital through the emergency room this morning, she nodded to the new surgeon, busily doing paperwork in her office. The name on the door read “Doctor Lucy Lance”. 

Then, as Lena turned the corner, there was someone else there. Standing by the bed, holding the hands of a woman with a sling on her arm. None other than Mercer Darias. Lena stopped in her tracks. She had not seen him since that awful day, and she was instantly thrown back there.

His arm was around her throat, crushing her windpipe. He was throwing her against the wall, her head slamming so hard into it everything went black. Then the slow awakening as she was getting dragged through the dirt. And he was onto of her, tearing at there clothes. Hitting her as she fought back.

A nurse bumped into her shoulder as she walked around her, jolting Lena out of her shock. Darias hadn’t seen her yet, and she didn’t intend him to. She walked quickly through the emergency room, heading towards her office, her hands shaking. Then, right before she got to the door, she paused. No, she needed to know what this was about.

She turned back and went to the nurse at the circulation desk. Glancing at the board behind her, she saw the name of the woman that Mercer was looming over. She folded her hands on the table nervously. “Sara Blake, bed seven.” She said, the nurse looking up with a smile. “What do you know about her?”

The nurse nodded and went to her computer, squinting at the information it presented her. “Sara Blake. Multiple injuries, dislocated shoulder-”

“No. What do you know about her?” Lena interrupted, swallowing thickly, her throat dry and small. “The guy that’s with her now, who is he?”

The nurse gave her a narrow look, not a stranger to what someone acted like when they were uncomfortable. “Her husband. Why? Do you think you’ve seen him somewhere before?”

“Yeah, I know I have and his name isn’t ‘Blake’. Can you get me her notes?” Lena blurted out, finding that anger was beginning to surface amongst her anxiety. The nurse nodded and Lena tapped her fingers on the table, itching to leave before Mercer would turn around and notice her.

“Mrs. Blake’s notes.” The nurse said, handing her a file. Lena thanked her and opened it quickly, turning and leaning against the desk. As she read, she saw boots approaching her over the top of the documents. Raising her eyes, she came face to face with Mercer, a smirk on his lips.

“Find anything interesting?” He said, crossing his arms. 

Lena’s breath caught in her throat as violent memories from that day creeped into her brain. She closed her eyes and pushed them back. She grabbed the desk behind her to steady herself, and the nurse looked at her oddly, keeping an ear open.

Mercer’s eyes flicked to the scar across Lena’s cheek, the grin on his face spreading. “She took quite a fall, my wife.”

“Sara Blake.” Lena said, her voice coming out steely and strong. This reassured her a bit and she pushed off the of the desk.

“Must have been something at the top of the stairs.” 

Lena didn’t really care what he had to say. “Sara Blake, not Darias.”

“That’s right.”

Lena needed to move before she became frozen. She began walking to her office, not looking at Mercer trailing behind her. “Well, according to these notes this is her first time in this hospital.”

“Is that a problem?” He snapped back at her.

Lena rolled her eyes at the ceiling. Both of them knew what she meant by that. The wife of Mercer Darias most have sustained injuries before to land her in a hospital. But choosing to come to this one, changing the name just so he wouldn’t be recognized. It was intentional. “You changed your name.”

“Look, I don’t want to get in to all of that.” Mercer sighed. “As far as I’m concerned it’s over.”

Lena stopped in her tracks before her office, turning around and staring at him in disbelief. What the fuck did he mean it was over? He would be going to court soon, hopefully prison. She had the scar on her face to prove it. “You tried to rape me. Just a hundred yards from here. And I’m pretty sure that you showing up at my place of work is against your bail.”

“I assume Kara has told you about Sam.” “Good. Well, then you should know I thought you were the reason for my sister’s death. You weren’t. I’ve moved on.”

“Your motives don’t change anything. You’re still going to jail. You still attacked me!” Lena said with finality, pulling open the door to her office, wanting to get out of this conversation. Mercer frowned and grabbed her arm, pulling her back to him with aching force. A shiver ran down her spine at the grip on her wrist.

“Don’t play the victim on me. I’m the one with the bad name. I’m the one having to explain to my wife that it wasn’t me, that it wasn’t my fault.” He hissed, speaking low and dangerous. Then he bit his lip, searching her defiant eyes. “I think you liked it. Getting a little attention, after so many years.”

Lena ripped her arm out of his grip, her fingers tingling with rage and panic. He chuckled as she tried to open the door again and stopped it, holding it closed. He glanced around to make sure no one had seen his outburst and gave her his best smile. “Oh come on. If I’m able to bury the past, so should you. How about we get a coffee later?”

“Leave before I call the police.” Lena warned, unmoving. Mercer shrugged and let go of the door before walking away. She let go of a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. 

_

Lena knocked on Lucy Lane’s office door. 

“Your patient, Sara Blake.” Lena said. Lucy glanced up in interest, the hand holding the pen pausing in its scribbling. “She had another name, Sara Darias. You might want to check out her past history.”

Lucy nodded at Lena as she left, frowning in interest. She picked up the phone and leaned back in her chair, dialing. The person on the other end picked up the phone, the line clicking. “Doctor Danvers, it’s Lane. I have a patient named Sara Blake. Paratenidus, small injuries. I need to get her on to a ward.”

“Sara Blake.” Alex said, looking around at the ward she was in. It was packed, but she could see a copy of extra beds indicated on the whiteboard. “Okay, give me a minute, I’ll see what I can do.”

“Great.” Lucy said, tapping her chin with her pen. “Just so you know, she used to go under another name. Darias.”

Alex stopped, her jaw clenching. “Darias?”

Before Lucy could answer, she hung up. Alex pulled out her cellphone and clicked on the newest contact she had added. It picked up after two rings.

“Alex, nice to hear from you.” Maggie said, a smile on her voice, “When I gave you my number I didn’t expect you to call so soon.”

“As much as I’d like it to be a personal call, it isn’t.” Alex sighed, “Mercer Darias is in the hospital.”

“He shouldn’t be, that’s against his bail.”

“I know. Is there anything you can do?”

“Of course. I’ll come pick him up now. Do you know where Kara and Lena are?”

“No. I only know he’s here because I got word from another doctor that his wife has been admitted.”

“Sara? I saw her not a week ago.” Maggie cursed under her breath into the phone speaker. “It doesn’t matter right now. Please find Lena if you can.”

“I will. You don’t think he’ll try anything, do you?”

“I hope he isn’t that stupid. I’ll see you soon.”

“Thank you, Maggie.”

Alex hung up and headed for the emergency room. She would find Lena, but first she needed to find Mercer.

_

Lena plunged her hands into the water pouring from the facet, then splashed some into her face. She knew she should call the police, but she wanted to talk to Kara first. She hadn’t talked to her since that day in her apartment. When she had lashed out at her like a fool when she was only trying to help. And Kara had been right of course. She couldn’t keep pushing this all away. Couldn’t keep pushing her away. With the arrival of Mercer, it was made clear. It was time to let Kara in.

_

Winn and Lucy had their heads together, pouring over yet another patient’s file. It never stopped here in the ER. Lena glanced over at Sara ‘Blake’s’ bed, seeing that a couple of nurses were seeing to her. Mercer was around the corner, fiddling with the vending machine. As much as she wanted to go to Kara now, she needed to know what was happening there. She hurried over to them. 

Winn looked up with a signature cheeky smile. “Oh, Lena. What can we do for you?”

“I’m just interested in the progress of Sara Blake.” Lena said in what she hoped was a nonchalant tone. 

“She’s not a CT case.” Lucy said curiously. 

Lena shrugged. “I know.”

All of a sudden, the nurses at Sara’s bed called frantically for Lucy. Winn followed her to the bed, and Mercer came running around the corner. Lucy shook her head at Sara’s condition. “Okay forget getting her a bed. Let’s get her to surgery.”

“What’s happening?” Mercer shouted as the nurses began preparing her. Lucy, busy with the patient, glanced at Winn to get rid of him. Lena watched from afar, knowing Winn had not actually had a look at Mercer before.

“We’re going to be operating on your wife here.” Winn explained. 

“What? I thought you were waiting on a bed.” Mercer said.

“Change in plan.” Winn shot him a look of sympathy as his wife was being wheeled off. He took him gently by the shoulders to calm him down. “Look, there is a coffee shop in the main entrance. Give your number to one of the nurses and we’ll call you as soon as we get some news.” 

Mercer nodded and walked away, at which time Lucy came up to Lena. “Anything pressing? Another pair of hands will be useful.”

“I’ll scrub in.” Lena said, not really sure why she said it. Operating on Mercer’s wife. She wondered if his bail had anything to say about that. She resigned to the fact that she would have to seek out Kara later and followed Lucy into the operating room.

As she left, Alex Danvers came steaming in, a muscled body of seething anger. She headed straight for Winn. “Where’s Lucy Lane?”

Winn cowered under her presence, not daring to ask why she was so angry. “In surgery.”

“We have a problem.” Alex said, noticing his reaction and trying to calm herself down.

“That’s the trouble with hospitals,” Winn cracked, “everyone’s got a problem.”

“Sara Blake. It’s not her real name. At least it’s not her original name.” She lowered her voice, but she was no less intense. “It’s Darias. Her husband is Mercer Darias.”

_

Lena stared down at the woman on the table. Her injuries were great. Some of her bruises were old. That fucking piece of shit Mercer. She looked up at Lucy, an eyebrow raised. “Fell down some stairs?”

Lucy sucked in a breath, knowing what she meant. “Yes.”

Alex Danvers walked into the operating room, looking Lena right in the eye. She could tell she knew. For once, Lena didn’t feel annoyed that she was going to interrupt another operation. Lucy saw Lena looking over her shoulder and turned. “Tell me you’ve got a bed now.”

“Always did have one,” Alex said, her heart breaking at the sight of the woman on the table, “but I want her transferred to another hospital.”

Lucy paused, her brow furrowing over her surgical mask. “Why?”

“Because this woman’s husband tried to rape one of our doctors.” Alex said bluntly. Lena averted her eyes as Lucy looked at her. Well, that shows that she knew. At least she hadn’t been weird about it. “His bail doesn’t allow him on the premises.”

Lucy nodded at Alex and told her to leave. Alex was just glad that she knew where Lena was. Lucy went back to the operation. “Why didn’t you say?” 

Lena shrugged, her chest heavy. “Would it have made any difference?”


	19. Ten Minutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the moment you've all been waiting for... within an especially long chapter. let me know what you think and, as always, thanks for the read.

Mercer Darias, all long limbs and sneering face, walked up to the circulation desk and spit out his demands to the nurse behind the corner and the doctor who was speaking to them. One Alex Danvers, whose jaw clicked at the sight of him. “I want to see my wife.”

“I’ll call security.” The nurse said, picking up the phone on the desk.

Mercer locked eyes with Alex, lip curling. “I want to see my wife.”

Alex reached out and stopped the nurse from dialing. She wanted to see how this played out. Besides, Maggie had said she would be there in ten minutes. She should be able to handle him for that long. Her voice was steely and threatening. “Okay, Mr. Darias. Your wife is post-operative. She’s in a delicate condition. Someone will be with you at all times.”

Mercer huffed at her, knowing that she knew who he was. “You think you’re so clever, don’t you?”

Alex smiled in disgust and walked around the desk. She looked up in his face, arms crossed, eyes ablaze with fury. “No. I think you’re dangerous.”

She turned on her heel and let him follow her through the ward. The lights were down because of the hour, and when she opened the curtain around Sara’s bed in the corner of the room, she didn’t see Lena sitting on the chair in the corner, hidden in the shadows. 

Mercer went to his wife, taking her hand in his. She stirred from her sleep and blinked tired eyes at him. “How are you feeling, Sara?”

Lena leaned forward, letting the light bathe her, her eyes shining. “She will be feeling fine.”

Mercer and Alex both started, turning to the corner where Lena sat. Alex admired Lena’s bravery, but was instantly on edge in this new situation. Mercer’s face grew hard and he glared at Lena before turning to Alex. “I don’t want her in here.”

Lena stood up from the chair and Alex could see that her hands were shaking, but her voice came out strong and spiteful. “I’m the surgeon that was involved in your wife’s operation. Most relatives would be happy to have their loved ones cared for.

“Get her out of here!” Mercer raised his voice, his face getting red. He still would not look at Lena. He was obviously caught in a very undesirable situation.

“You want to complain?” Alex said, standing her ground. “You can do so through the normal channels.”

Mercer opened his mouth to protest, but Lena cut in first. “What are you going to say? That the woman you tried -and failed- to rape helped your wife and that upsets you?”

Mercer closed his mouth at this, his expression darkening. He was the one not supposed to be here, not her. Sara looked from Lena to Alex to him, blinking again. She tried to sit up, but winced in pain and remained where she was. “Mercer?” She asked, her eyes on Lena. “Why are you shouting?”

Before Mercer could say anything, Lena stepped forward to stand beside Sara. She blinked back tears in her eyes and kept a straight face. “He doesn’t want me here because he’s afraid of what I might say.”

“Don’t listen to her, Sara.” Mercer said, licking his lips nervously. “I’ll get my lawyer on to it.”

Sara didn’t even look at him. She had something on her face like understanding. Like she knew what Lena was about to say. “Go on.”

“I bet you’ve never come face to face with one of his victims. I was only saved because Doctor Danvers here distracted him with a phone call.” Lena swallowed thickly. “Did he tell you this is all nothing? That it’s a big misunderstanding? That it was me that caused the problem?”

Mercer moved as to physically stop her, but Alex intercepted him with a firm grip, her nails digging into his arm. 

Lena saw him, but decided to say it anyways. “What he didn’t tell you, I bet, was that he was dragging me behind the hospital by my arm to rape me.”

Mercer ripped his arm out of Alex’s grip and before she could get a new hold he had struck Lena across the cheek. She stumbled into the chair. Sara gasped. “Shut the fuck up.” He hissed from between his teeth.

Alex grabbed him by the back of the neck and wrenched him backward out of the curtained off area, then let her fist slam into his jaw. He went reeling. Once he composed himself, holding his jaw, he slinked away. The nurse at the circulation desk picked up the phone to call security when Alex gave them a nod. 

Alex guided Lena back into the chair, looking at her cheek, already red. The woman was stunned but didn’t seem too shaken. “Lena, are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” Lena said, surprised that she wasn’t lying. It was the truth. That flash image of his fist coming at her was almost like a miracle. He had decided his fate, if the violation of his bail wasn’t enough. She looked up at Alex, a small smile gracing her face. “He’s fucked himself now.”

“Maggie is on her way. Until then, I’ll get security to track him down.” Alex said, feeling pretty good herself. It had been the most satisfying thing in the world to punch the fucker. “Why don’t you let me check this out?”

“No, it’s nothing. I have something I need to do.” Lena stood up from the chair, brushing past Alex. “Someone I need to find.”

Alex watched her go, wanting to stop her but not being able to. She had a feeling she knew exactly where she was headed. 

_

Lena paused before the closed door. This step was a long time coming. When she had arrived in National City, she hadn’t set out to make friends. A life of betrayal, suffering, and cold cruelty had left her with a critical, harsh view of the world. And then, on her first day at National City Hospital, a bouncing head of blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes and a sunny smile approached her. In fact, others in the hospital called her Sunny Danvers. Oh how that loving, caring person had wormed her way in, bringing with her her friends and family. Still, there was a final barrier to pass. Something was bricked up behind it, a past to painful to withstand the light of day. Opening Kara’s office door would reveal it. Crumble the wall, lay the secret bare. Meek and sour it was, ripe with so much of herself. She laid her hand upon the door knob, smooth and cool steel. Turned it.

Kara looked up from her desk, that signature smile on her lips. It faded when she saw Lena, standing hesitant in the doorway, hand tight on the handle. Kara set down her pen and stood, walking around her desk and sitting on the couch, patting the cushion beside her. Caught between decision and indecision, it took Lena almost a full minute to move. When she sat, she left a space between them, a safety catch. 

Kara didn’t speak. She could see the words gathering in Lena’s throat. The dark-haired woman swallowed thickly, not able to look Kara in the eye, instead staring out the window at the busy parking lot below.

“You saw me.” Lena finally said, her voice low and contemplative. “That first day I arrived, you came up to me and said hello. And even when I made it so hard for you to get to know me, you didn’t give up, because you saw me. Truly, as I was. As I am. I’ve resisted that for so long because I know…” her voice broke, the view out of the window becoming blurry. “…because I was afraid of being hurt again. I’ve been hurt so many times.”

“I would never hurt you, Lena.” Kara said, her heart beating fast from the monumental relief of the moment. Taking a chance, she put a hand on the back on Lena’s neck, rubbing gently. Lena leaned into it, her shoulders, which had been up to her ears, slowly dropping. “I will always fight for you.”

“I’ve come to understand that. Which is why I’m listening to you for once and letting you help me.” Lena sighed and forced herself to look Kara in the eye. “I need to tell you something.”

Kara opened her arms to her, moving to rest in the corner of the couch. Her throat was tight with emotion. “Come here.” Lena chuckled in spite of herself, sniffing. She let herself be taken in by Kara’s warm embrace, laying on her stomach with her cheek pressed against her chest and her hand open on her stomach. She could hear the thud of her heartbeat.

“Mercer Darias was not the first person to raise a hand against me.” Lena began, talking into Kara’s shirt. “But he was the first to do so since I became an adult. Life in care was as bad as all the made-for-TV movies show. Of course, there were some decent people, but it didn’t matter because you’re always getting moved from place to place.”

“The Carmich Care Home started out as any other. Needlessly cruel, the daily screaming argument, the bruises on ribs and arms. I would wash the plates after each meal. They warned me not to break the plates. But it was so slippery with the soap and the water was so hot. The plate just…” Lena took in a shuddering breath, and Kara’s hand drifted to her hair, stroking it for comfort. “There was broken shards all over the floor. They got so mad that they locked me in the trunk of a car for two days.”

Kara’s hand on her hair paused as a flash of anger flared in her stomach. She still didn’t say anything, not wanting to disrupt the flow of truth coming from Lena. Besides, it wasn’t what Lena needed. What she needed was an ear to listen, and someone to hear.

“Things got worse when I got older.” Lena said, her voice quiet now, her body almost numb as she thought back to that snowy night. “It was Christmas Eve the first time Yates and Brown came into my room. The weight of them on top of me was suffocating. I remember Yates whispering in my ear.” Lena cringed and touched her ear like she could feel his hot breath all over again. “He told me how beautiful the carolers sounded, singing Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas. ‘Like angels’, he said. Brown laughed at that, thought it was funny. They got into the habit of calling me their little angel.” 

Lena lifted up her head and saw that she had left a wet mark on Kara’s shirt. She looked up at Kara and saw tears on her face. Kara opened her mouth to say something, but Lena stopped her. “You don’t have to say anything. I was past it for the longest time… I thought I was past it. Then, Mercer. He hit a spot already wounded. And Yates showed up on the ward and it was too much. That night on the camping trip, I’m so thankful you were there. But I couldn’t tell you then.”

Kara’s heart was fit to burst with how proud she was of her. At first, it had been only anger there, at the fucking bastards that would do such a thing to a child, but she had to remind herself it wasn’t about them. It was about Lena. Right now, rising up against the odds. Finally opening herself up, even though she was so afraid of that. And now she understood that accident in the break room. “You’re telling me now. What changed your mind?”

Lena frowned, a chill going up her spine at the thought of the ‘conversation’ she just had. Her cheek still throbbed from his ill-timed punch. “Mercer is in the hospital.” Kara sat up at the words, looking like she was ready to walk out of there and find him. 

“Calm down, it’s okay.” Lena reassured, touched that Kara would react that way. She pushed her back down softly. “Alex told me that Maggie will be here soon.”

“Why is he here?” Kara asked.

“I assume he attacked his wife.” Lena said. “But I think it took me seeing him again to realize that I had to tell you, no matter how afraid I was. I have been letting fear stop me for too long.”

Kara smiled, guiding Lena’s head back to her chest. “You didn’t deserve any of what has happened to you. But I’m proud of you for fighting your instincts and letting me in. I’ll always be there for you.”

“I know, I know.” Lena sighed, sinking further into her, her entire being feeling lighter. “You don’t know how much that means to me.”

Lena’s pager went off and she groaned, picking herself up and out of Kara’s embrace. “I’m leaving early, right after whatever this is. Can you meet me downstairs in five minutes? I’m feeling a movie night.”

“Of course.” Kara said, not moving from the couch. She would need a minute to process before going back to life as normal. “As long as it’s Birds of Prey and I get to eat a gallon of ice cream.”

Lena chuckled and wiped her red-brimmed eyes, hand on the door. “Thank you, Kara.”

“For what?”

“For listening. For being so patient with me. For accepting me.”

Kara felt her chest get tight and she had to blink back tears. “Oh, Lena. It’s nothing special. I wish you had had enough decent people in your life to know that.”

Lena shrugged at this and left, not able to say what was crawling on her tongue. Kara should know that who sho was more than ‘decent’. That Kara was extraordinary. She pushed this out of her mind, needing to focus on work. She would make sure to tell Kara later. Especially not when she was turning the corner and running into a concerned-looking Alex and Maggie.

“Lena, thank God we found you.” Alex said, drawing her into a hug that Lena was not expecting. Lena looked over her shoulder at Maggie, raising a questioning eyebrow.

“We haven’t been able to find Mercer.” Maggie explained, laying a comforting hand on Alex’s shoulder. The soft gesture did not go unnoticed by Lena, or how it served to effectively calm Alex, letting her go. “I heard you took a punch from him.”

“Yeah, but Alex gave him a much harder one.” Lena assured, patting Alex on the arm thankfully. Maggie’s eyes went wide at this, then she shrugged. She was far from surprised.

“I would like you to stay with me until we find him.” Alex told Lena, ever the older sister.

“It’s alright.” Lena said. “I have to check on a quick page, but then I’m going home with Kara.”

Alex considered it, Maggie looking like she was itching to continue to search. She relented with a sigh. “Okay.”

“I’ll call you when he’s in custody.” Maggie told Lena as she began walking away. Alex was about to follow her, but she stopped, looking to Lena.

“Did you talk to Kara?” She asked.

Lena gave her a narrow look. She had never told her that Kara was the person she wanted to find. “How’d you know?”

“She’s my sister, you’re my friend.” Alex gave a knowing smile and started walking in the direction Maggie had disappeared to. “Stay safe.”  
_

Having checked on her page and gathered her things from her locker, Lena pushed the button of the elevator and stepped inside to its cheerful ding. The hospital was relatively quiet at this time of night, and no one else stood with her in the fluorescent light of the tiny box. Pleasant orchestral music played in the speakers. As the doors where almost shut, a tanned hand slid into the crack, opening them once again. Lena looked up to flash them a polite smile, but the gesture fell on her lips as she saw who it was. Just her fucking luck. 

“You’re finished this time.” She forced out as Mercer stepped in, pushing the close door button. She watched them rumble closed, sealing her inside with him. Her eyes flicked to the security camera in the corner of the ceiling. 

Mercer scoffed, not even looking at her, but straight ahead at the doors. His hands were folded in front of him neatly. Like a gentleman. “You think so?”

“Your wife will testify along with me.” Lena blurted out, not liking how agitated she sounded. She didn’t want to let him know how afraid she was to be around him.

Mercer closed his eyes for a long time. The only sound was the mechanical whirring of the elevator and the music. One more floor to go until ground floor, where Kara would be waiting. Then, he extended a hand and hit the emergency stop button. He turned slowly, staying in front of the pad with the buttons so she couldn’t get to them. His eyes had a hungry, vicious look that scanned her up and down. “What do you really want?”

Lena took a step back, bumping into the hand railing. Her heart speed up, her throat becoming tight. “What?”

“I think you know.” Mercer said, taking a step towards her, that look in his eye intensifying. “You want what you missed out on last time.”

“Don’t you dare touch me.” Lena said forcefully as he closed the distance, her skin crawling at the smirk that pulled at the corner of his lip. 

“Oh come on Lena, you want it. You’re begging for it. God, when I did it, it was for Sam but…” He was mere inches from her, and he lifted a hand and grazed the scar on her cheek. She flinched under the touch, tingling adrenaline coursing through her body “…you’re such a beauty aren’t you? And I’ve already made my mark. Why not go all the way?”

The back of her head smacked into the wall as he wrapped his fist around her neck violently. She reacted right away, sending her knee into his groin with all the strength and speed she could muster. He fell on his knees with a groan, releasing his hold. 

Side-stepping him quickly, Lena hit the emergency stop button again and the elevator resumed its descent. A hand grabbed her ankle and she kicked out at his face. The sight of blood pouring from his nose was enough. Her fists became tight. Her knuckles cracked as she pounded them against his flesh. His cries were music to her ears.

The elevator doors pinged open, and she could hear people shouting at her. A hand grabbed her shoulder to drag her off of him, but she wanted more. Finally, some of the words made it to her ears.

“Lena, stop! He isn’t worth it!” It was Kara. Lena let herself be lifted away from him in her strong arms. She watched as Maggie rushed into the elevator, grabbing at the handcuffs on her belt. 

Kara set her down a few feet away on a chair that Alex pulled up from the cafe. Lena’s breath was hot and fast, and Kara kneeled before her. She took her fist in her hand and at the touch Lena let them become loose.

“You’re bleeding.” Kara said, holding her hand gingerly. Lena wrenched her gaze from Maggie as she led Mercer out of the front doors and into the back of the cruiser outside, blue and red lights flashing. She looked Kara in the eye, a smile splitting her face.

“Well, that was cathartic.”

Lena could see Kara holding back a grin, her face much too serious. Finally, a chuckle escaped her. “I bet.”

Alex could only shake her head at the two of them.


	20. The Sun in the Literal and Personified Sense

It was the second time Kara had sat in Maggie’s office, but the first time where Lena was right beside her on the couch, leg pressed against leg, arm thrown around her shoulder. Alex was there with them on a leather chair, her hands twisted in her lap.

“He’s pleading guilty.” Maggie said, the relief evident in her voice. “You won’t have to testify. After everything he did, breaking bail, attacking his wife, attacking you twice. His lawyer gave him the sound advice to take a plea deal. He’ll be serving ten years for sexual assault in the second degree.”

“So, that’s it?” Lena asked, hardly able to believe it. After all the pain that man out her through, it was going to stop here. No trial, no testimony, no jury. God, it was like a weight off her shoulders.

Maggie smiled, “That’s it.”

But there was still something else laying there. Something she’d been carrying for far too long. She glanced at Kara, and the other woman saw the hesitation in her yes, that same hesitation from a few days ago in her office. She squeezed her shouldering support.

“Maggie, do you know anything about the Carmich Care Home case?” Lena said with a soft voice. Maggie’s brow furrowed and she leaned back in her chair, unclasping her hands.

“It’s one of mine.” She said slowly, a part of her knowing where this was going but hoping she was wrong. “Why do you ask?”

Alex looked at Kara questionably but didn’t say anything. Lena looked down at her hands, her leg beginning to bounce. “Um, a few months ago you go an anonymous call from a…victim. Do those hold as much merit as people that come forward in person?”

“When someone comes forward, we can use their testimony in trial, which carry a lot of weight. Anonymous calls help, but since we can’t confirm them, we can’t use them in trial.” Maggie explained, looking at Lena carefully.

Lena bit her lip, wearing down at it with her teeth. “How many witnesses do you have?”

“Right now, one.” Maggie said, pausing to let Lena speak. When she didn’t, only staring down at her hands, she decided to give her a little push. “Would you like to give a statement without being anonymous this time?”

Lena finally looked up at her, forcing a watery smile on her lips. “Yes. Yes, I think I should.”

Maggie turned to her computer and opened up her calendar, searching when she was available. “How about you come in tomorrow? I’ll get the DA on the case to come in.” Maggie swiveled in her chair and took one of Lena’s hands in both of her, cradling it warmly. Lena held on to it tight while Maggie looked her straight in the eye. “It’s a good thing that you’re doing.”

“It’s the only thing.” Lena said, feeling like she was sucking in strength from those around her in the office. Maggie, at her hands. Kara, wrapped around her. Alex, silent and supportive on the corner. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow. In the mean time, get some rest and put Mercer out of your mind. You won’t have to worry about him again.” As Maggie showed Kara and Lena to the door, Alex waited in her chair. Maggie turned to her and crossed her arms with a smirk on her face. 

“So, when are we going on that date?”  
_

Two Months Later

In the marble hallway of the courthouse, Lena and Maggie exchanged a hug. The words from the judge still echoed in their ears, partly because of the joy of it, and partly because of the people milling around them repeating it over and over. Brown and Yates, old men now, would be going to sentencing. Both charged as guilty for all the things they had done. 

Maggie let go of Lena, her strong arms coming to her elbows as she searched her face cheerfully. “You did it Lena. You did it.” 

Kara came up behind them and put a hand on Lena’s shoulder, a grin on her face. “If you don’t mind, Maggie, I think it’s about time to get out of here and leave this all behind us.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” Maggie said, giving both of them one last hug before turning to the crowd of people around her, drawing their attention away from Lena and Kara trying to make a quick exit. She smiled as she saw Alex fighting through to stand by her side. Kara led Lena away, slipping from the crowd and into a side hallway where the exit sign flashed red. 

As they approached the heavy wooden doors leading outside, Lena slowed down, her feet becoming leaden with frightened uncertainty. Kara noticed and threw her a concerned look. Two feet from the doors, Lena completely stopped. 

“What’s wrong?” Kara asked, watching Lena’s apprehensive face.

“If I walk out those doors, it’s over.” Lena whispered, eyes blank and staring. “I’ve been living in this shadow for so long. I don’t know what life is like without it.”

Kara didn’t know what to say to that. She ducked her head, looking at the polished floorboards under her. She sighed, seeing before her a woman with slumped shoulders. What kind of person can go through all the viciousness this world had to offer and come out the other side with twice as much beauty and strength and kindness and only half as much fear?

Looking away from the doors, Lena focused on Kara. “I’m sorry. I know you have to deal with the consequences of my life every minute. From Sam to Mercer to myself. I don’t give you enough credit. I don’t know why you stay with me.”

“How could I leave you, when we’re such a messed up pair?” Kara said, a bittersweet feeling rising deep within her. It warmed her bones and soul, and all at once, Kara knew that she would do anything for this woman in front of her. She didn’t know when she had changed from friend to more. A part of her realized that there were sides and secrets to Lena that would always be a stranger to her. A part of her missed Sam. It didn’t stop the feeling.

Lena wanted to argue. She wanted to scream at her to leave now. Tell her that one day she would hurt her. That by following her she led her down the wrong path. But as she searched her clear face, something stopped her. There was something about her, something that pushed away all the torment and pain and let her breathe. Oh, how she relished the fresh air.

Kara smiled sadly, something like pride swelling in her chest, something like love. She offered a steady hand to Lena’s shaking one. Lena looked at it, the gesture reminding her of Winn, that day in her office, giving her the picture that he had fished out of the frame she had broken. As before, she took it. Intertwining her fingers with Kara’s, she felt more grounded.

“Let’s do it together.” Kara said, then pulled Lena forward. They both put one hand on the doors, and after a deep breath, pushed it open.

Sunlight erupted from outside, washing across their faces and warming their skin. Lena closed her eyes to the bright, but immediately opened them again, blinking up at the blue sky. She turned to Kara, her golden hair and blue eyes highlighted in the sun. A smile pulled on Lena’s lips, and a burst of laughter escaped them.

In a gentle motion, Kara pulled Lena forward, leaning down. Lena’s heart became light in her chest as their breath stirred the air in the space between them. She brought a hand to Kara’s jaw, trailing her fingers over her skin. For a few seconds, everything was still and warm and anticipation hung like batted breath. 

Then Kara leaned in the rest of the way and kissed her. 

The touch of her lips was like the release of everything that had been building up inside of her. In that moment, the world consisted of her and her only. It was soft but not unsure or hesitant. It was decisive and certain. It was right. When Kara pulled away, Lena laughed again.

“I don’t feel that shadow anymore.”

“That’s the nature of daylight,” Kara said, looking up at the sun then back at her in absolute loving rapture, “it pushes away the darkness.”

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there it is. The end to this amazing journey of writing my first fanfic. It was a lot of work but so worth it because of you, my readers. Those that commented every chapter, or left kudos, or even decided to click on this work. You don't know how much it has all meant to me. Thank you for your love and support. Supercorp forever y'all


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